This week was a particularly hard one for conservatives. And as they are wont to do, conservatives opened their mouths to speak horrible, terrible things. Your humble scriblerian has combed through the internet, looking for the worst of the worst, and now I need a shower, a vacation, and a tumbler of wine. Without further ado, here are a few of the worst things conservatives said this week.
Stuart Varney, or as many call him, The Worst Person in the World, is known for his complete and utter disdain for the poor. He’s the guy who said if people have refrigerators, they aren’t really poor, so you know anything he says will most likely make you twitch. This week is no exception. While discussing an active shooter situation in a German movie theater, Varney, without any information on the shooter, said this:

And again, I’m not going to speculate, but we have seen other incidents like this both in the United States and in Europe whether a shooter conducts a mass shooting. We certainly saw that in Paris. We saw that in Orlando. We saw that in San Bernardino. Is this another somewhat similar terror related case? I don’t know that. I don’t know who the shooter is: his name, nationality, or wherever he came from. I don’t know that, but the incident is very similar. Therefore, there could be political repercussions to the shooting that you’re seeing on the left-hand side of the screen. Monica, I don’t want — I’m not going to stretch this, but a terror, if it’s a terror incident or and incident of this kind, that’s for Trump. That is a plus for Donald Trump, isn’t it? (source)

Yes, Stuart Varney said, out loud, that if the shooter in Germany turned out to be a terrorist (translation: brown-skinned), that would be a “plus” for Donald Trump. Of course, Varney said the same thing about the Egyptian airplane crash.
Next, Cam Edwards, host of the NRA’s radio show Cam & Company, who called John Lewis and other Democrats participating in the sit-in on the House floor terrorists:

So in order to push legislation that the sponsors say would not have prevented the attacks in Orlando, Florida, they’re also going to flout the House rules. Kind of like, you know, criminals and terrorists flout the rules that we have in place right now and will continue to do so?

Edwards, a white man, calling John Lewis, a black man who was beaten, jailed, harassed, and threatened during his fight for civil rights, a terrorist. Is that irony, hypocrisy, or just typical conservatism?
We can’t leave out Wayne LaPierre, official spokesperson and puppeteer for the NRA. LaPierre is desperately trying to blame all mass shootings in this country on “Islamic terrorists.” During an appearance on Fox, he said “They’re coming,” obviously referring to ISIS/Al Qaeda/the Taliban/all Muslims/refugees/whatever. Except research proves there have been more people killed by angry white men than angry Muslim men since 2001. From The Chicago Tribune:

Since Sept. 11, 2001, there have been 418 people killed in mass shootings. The total killed by white men is 185. The total killed by Muslim extremists is 81.
Of the 81 mass shootings that have occurred since 1982, 47 were committed by white men, and all but nine of those shootings involved legally purchased firearms.
We have ample reason to be concerned about the deadly messages groups like the Islamic State are spreading, and it’s imperative that our intelligence agencies, law enforcement and fellow citizens remain vigilant.
But when it comes to mass killings in this country — with the notable exception of the 9/11 attacks, a murderous event on a scale that has yet to be even remotely replicated — Muslim people are not the primary culprits.
And the number of Americans being killed each year by guns — thousands upon thousands — dwarfs any tally of Muslim terrorism committed on American soil.

Conservatives don’t let facts interrupt their “ERMAHGERD BE AFRAID OF BROWN PEOPLE” narrative, though.

Finally, Paul Ryan, or as he is known around our house, Smarmy McBastardly. Honestly, if Ryan was a cartoon villain, that would be his name. “Help! Help! Smarmy McBastardly tied me to the railroad tracks because I want to close the gun show loophole! Help!” Speaker Ryan popped up a few news shows to promote his belief that the sit-in on the House floor was a “publicity stunt,” and he was upset by the lack of decorum. Lack of decorum. Like when Joe Wilson yelled “You lie!” during President Obama’s State of the Union address? Or when, during the sit-in, Louie Terror Babies Gohmert, screamed in the face of a Democratic representative? Speaker Ryan, let me remind you of an actual publicity stunt:

The head of a northeast Ohio charity says that the Romney campaign last week “ramrodded their way” into the group’s Youngstown soup kitchen so that GOP vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan could get his picture taken washing dishes in the dining hall.
Brian J. Antal, president of the Mahoning County St. Vincent De Paul Society, said that he was not contacted by the Romney campaign ahead of the Saturday morning visit by Ryan, who stopped by the soup kitchen after a town hall at Youngstown State University.
“We’re a faith-based organization; we are apolitical because the majority of our funding is from private donations,” Antal said in a phone interview Monday afternoon. “It’s strictly in our bylaws not to do it. They showed up there, and they did not have permission. They got one of the volunteers to open up the doors.”

I’m sure I missed some; perhaps Phyllis Schlafly went on the radio to talk about how marital rape isn’t real, or Ted Nugent called the president a chimp again. Rep. Steve King did try to block putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, but he’s TOTALLY NOT RACIST. There’s a limit, kids, there really is, to how much of this ick I can slog through. Maybe we’ll do this again next week. God knows, if it’s a day that ends in “Y,” odds are, a conservative is going to say something awful.


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