It’s time for Bernie Sanders to go home!

No one cares that he’s beaten Hillary in fundraising three months running now, or that he has strung together an impressive series of primary wins that have kept his improbable campaign hopes alive! He’s costing the team!

He’s not promising money to Democrats (even though Obama didn’t do it in 2008 until after Hillary left the race, but well, that’s different because “I said so”)! He’s promising things to voters that he may not be able to get done without an amenable congress (like every other candidate is)! He’s going to split the vote (somehow in a primary where that literally makes no sense)!

Clearly, four primary wins in a row, and six of the last seven is meaningless in a contest where all the important people have already voted. We all know that the Democratic Party’s bylaws strictly state that only the states that vote first count, and that once “enough” primaries have been held, it’s time for the non-Hillary candidate to drop out. It doesn’t matter in the long run that delegate-rich states like New York and California haven’t held their primaries yet, because “Hillary.”

Does Bernie really think he has a chance to win this thing, just because national, head-to-head polling shows that he beats every candidate on the Republican side except Kasich, who he’d theoretically lose to by about 1%, well within the margin of error? How silly of him to think that just because his projected margins of victory are much larger that he’d actually have a chance to win. And do his supporters really think they are helping him by giving him so much money? He’s taking people’s campaign contributions and winning primaries.

What a crook!

How many more primary victories does Bernie have to rack up before he says “enough is enough” and quits? Is he going to wait until he ties or overtakes Clinton’s lead? Surely he must realize the longer he stays in, the less inevitable Hillary becomes. What, did he enter the race to, like, win it or something? Pshhhhhh.

It’s time to for Bernie to quit. I mean, he hasn’t even gotten nearly the same number of popular votes than Hillary. And sure, he’s one caucus states where one delegate technically represents a few hundred or even thousand voters, but still. Does that really matter? I submit it doesn’t because “Democrats.”

You see, he’s not even a REAL DEMOCRAT!!!! Sure, that might make him imminently more attractive to a large portion of the electorate that is burned-out and fed up with the two party machine. And yeah, he’s caucused with Democrats for 30 years, but he’s never sworn the Secret Democratic Blood Oath or even signed over his soul to the party! Hillary literally bleeds Democratic Donkeys. If you prick her finger, tiny little asses will drip out. It’s true. I read it on the Internet somewhere.

Go home, Bernie! Stop winning primary contests. Stop beating Hillary in fundraising. Stop drawing thousands of people to come hear you speak. None of those things mean you have a chance of winning. It just means that a lot of people voted for you instead of Hillary, gave money to you instead of Hillary, and chose to come to your rally, not Hillary’s. If you think any of those things matter in an election where people have to vote for you, give you money, and want to hear you speak…well…


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