Wherein I Explain to Conservatives Why They're Just Being Dicks to Trans People

The way bathroom bills are written and passed proves they're just about being mean to trans people.

This whole bathroom thing is a) missing the larger part about HB2 in North Carolina that gives employers and state employees enormously wide berth to discriminate against LGBTQ people and b) really so goddamned simple I’m surprised conservatives can’t understand it. I want to address item b) right now. It’s the key to them understanding why bathroom laws just single out transgender people and that they are therefore just being total dicks to them.
Oh yeah and that whole pesky 14th Amendment thing, but you know how much conservatives hate the Constitution. They never, ever talk about it in such ways that you just know they want to fuck it, or anything like that.
Anyway, the point is that bathroom laws like HB2 are completely redundant and unnecessary because they are both not enforceable and anything that could be perpetrated by a transgender person in a bathroom could be perpetrated by a cisgender person. It’s really that fucking simple.
It’s like they are basically saying, “Oh, it’s cool that we already have laws like these on the books, but, well, we kinda just want to rub our buttholes in these people’s mac ‘n’ cheese if that’s cool? But also let’s make them second class citizens, cuz duh the Constitution isn’t cool anymore.”
It’s just not double jeopardy, it’s just double douchery.


Trying to find stories of transgender people committing sexual assaults in public restrooms is like trying to find Donald Trump’s human parts. If you can find them, congratulations, you deserve a medal. The simple fact is that there isn’t any evidence that allowing people to choose the bathroom they feel most comfortable in opens up anyone to a higher risk of being sexually assaulted.
Looking at HB2 itself, you’ll notice that there are no punishments for breaking it. There isn’t even a set of guidelines for enforcing it. Nothing says “we’re just doing this to fuck with you” like making up a rule you have no way to enforce and no punishments involved for breaking it. What other reason would they have to draft and pass this law than to create a sub-class of North Carolinian out of transgender people?
And that’s where we run smack-dab into the 14th Amendment.
Now, it should be noted that conservatives generally grouse about the 14th Amendment because they feel it has been used to give away far much of their codified bigotry. They argue that it should have only pertained to slavery, and that it. Well, too bad. So sad. And in reality there’s nothing in the amendment that says that has to be the case. Also — fucking duh. Why does it make any kind of sense, or fit in anyone’s definition of “justice” for people to write laws that are inequitable? It just doesn’t make any sense to rationally-thinking people.
So the bottom line to me is really simple — these laws are trolling, and nothing more. All they are meant to do is subjugate and shame transgender people. Some may argue that’s warranted, but we call people like that “assholes” for a reason. No one can claim we are a nation that believes all are equal when we are writing laws that dictate some can use public restrooms and others can’t. One of the most basic rights we have is to privacy. And that works both ways. You don’t have a right to violate someone’s privacy because you’re ignorant about what being transgender even is.
I wonder how conservatives would feel if we wrote a law saying that religious people could only pee or poop in churches. That’s basically what HB2 is saying to transgender people — pee or poop at home, or don’t at all. Even though up to this point it was never an issue, we all must force transgender people to never leave the house for fear of soiling their britches since they’re not allowed to be human beings now, apparently. If you’re a conservative and you don’t think that’s a fair analogy, I can’t help you.
This bullshit needs to stop. If you spend even five seconds in the bathroom worrying about someone else’s junk, it’s you that should be treated cautiously, not the person whose genitals you’re obsessed with.

More from James Schlarmann

Trump Asks Staff To Help Him Translate Inaugural Address Into Russian

Donald Trump needs a little special help preparing a draft of his...
Read More

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.