Having watched Donald Trump’s freshman press secretary’s first official press briefing, I can say without any doubt in my mind that the people who elected him put one of the most thin-skinned, petty, immature whiny administrations into the White House ever. In fact, this isn’t alternative fact — they are the most thin-skinned, petty, immature, whiny administration ever.

The press briefing was longer than Trump even wishes his dick could be in his or Ivanka’s wildest dreams. But a lot of it was pretty standard stuff as press briefings go. Spicer made sure to tell us the name of every single CEO and union boss that Trump met with, and he updated the press and the American people on Trump’s plans to renegotiate NAFTA. All in all it was pretty standard stuff, except at some point Mr. Spicer started to turn from having a convivial tone with the press members in the room to taking on a consistently more and more whine-tastic tone.

The issue that was driving Spicer up the wall, apparently, was that the media refuses to bow and scrape to Trump. I lost count of how many times Spicer complained that it was “demoralizing” for Trump’s team to turn on the news and hear criticisms and doubts about Donald. It went from the occasional remark to an incessant mantra, “Wahhh! You guys are being unfair to us by fact checking us and quoting us accurately! Wahhhhhh!”


And it hit me as I watched it — Trump and company are just the living embodiment of America’s right-wing. Projection is the name of their game. They’ll accuse their opponents of doing everything they turn right around and do. How many times have you been called a snowflake in the last month or so? If you’ve expressed even a microscopic amount of disdain or protest over Trump’s inauguration, I’m sure you were bombarded with stuff like, “Get over it, you libtard cuck snowflake!”

It would be one thing if a garden variety Republican president was making these complaints. It would just sound like regular conservative whining about the press. It would still be hypocritical as all get out — for eight years the Republicans in elected offices and in their own media sphere peppered President Obama with insult and doubt. Every executive order was called unconstitutional, every move he made had its legitimacy questioned.

But I can’t figure out if it’s more hilarious, entertaining, or insulting that it’s Donald Trump and his ilk making these complaints.

When the hell will Trump and his team take a look at themselves in a mirror, and not the fun house type that make Trump’s skin look normal, his hands look average size, and Kellyanne Conway not like the literal grim reaper with eye shadow? Donald Trump put himself on the political map and made his presidency even possible by spreading the Birther Myth about Obama. But even if you take away that, and you can’t, you’d still have eight years worth of tweets in which Trump bashed the living shit out of Barack.

If you make your reputation as a bully who will lie about anything and everything to make yourself feel or look better, you cannot complain when the press looks at you skeptically. You can’t bitch about people being mean back to you. You don’t get to spit in someone’s eye and then act incredulous when they spit back. Besides, let’s be really, really, really real, shall we?

About seventy-five million of us actually want Trump and his team to be demoralized. All of us actually genuinely hope the Trump agenda stalls. We don’t want Trump and his staff getting too confident or comfortable in the seats we don’t feel they have any rightful claim to. They can cling to the Electoral College  – and they should because it’s the only reason they’re where they are – but no one who understands how democracy works (and yes, even Constitutional Republics are democracies) thinks Trump actually won because he was the choice of the plurality of Americans.

What the Trump administration should do is get itself square with that fact. They should go out into each new day knowing that most people are rooting against their plans. They should review all the campaign footage of them being curt, short, mean, and rude to members of the press. They should, in other words, make themselves self-aware. Because maybe whining about the media will fire up their base, but their base isn’t even half the country, it’s about a third of the electorate.

More people will laugh at Trump every time he complains than feel any sympathy for him. He has no one but himself to blame for this. If you don’t want to be reviled by at least half the country, don’t sign up to be president, and don’t spend seventy years beforehand treating people like garbage and grabbing pussies that you don’t have permission to grab, and generally being the kind of piece of shit that Americans love to beat up on in the first place.

Maybe someone should’ve told Donald Trump and his team who Donald Trump was before they signed up for this job.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.