Oh, hi. It’s me. Just thought I’d show you all these super-presidential tweets from Donald Trump about the horrific gas attack in Syria last night.

You know, a lot of people think he’s a shallow, vapid, super-vain, super-wealthy, detached, nepotistic, racist old bastard and isn’t capable of being a great leader, but just look at his thoughts on the deadly attack in Syria, that likely either came from Russian-backed Assad forces or Russian-proxy forces, or you know, the Russians directly. Don’t accuse him of being Vlad Putin’s bitch boy, ya’all! Not after you read these incredible tweets.

So here you go. Here’s our president’s tremendous, bigly tweets on the gas attack that’s left dozens dead, including many young children. Ready? Here we go. Here come the presidential-as-fuck tweets…about the Syrian gas attack. Just gonna go mosey on over to Twitter and grab the links for you.


Oh wait, no sorry. That was something the day after another completely horrific human tragedy happened — he was mocked savagely on Saturday Night Live. Surely there has to be a tweet of his about an absolute massacre in Syria. He’s the President of the United States. Of course he has to comment on such a nightmare. Of course he has to offer assurances to people fleeing that nightmare they can seek refuge in America, the true land of the free and home of the brave, right? Gimme a sec, I’ll find those tweets.

Ah! Here we go!


Shit! That’s him knocking SNL again. Hmm. This can’t be right. It would seem that the sitting president has somehow managed to tweet at least twice as much about a sketch comedy show as he has about the genocide in Syria. That’s not logical. Let’s keep looking for his tweets on the gas attack. We’ll find them.

Yay! I found it guys! Here we go…


Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! This one was from last October, before he’d been elected. Okay, so now we’ve got the score as 3-0 in the game of “Has the President Tweeted More About Genocide Than Sketch Comedy.” Maybe I need to just look more recently. I’m sure at some point Trump has tweeted about the horrors that Assad, his pal Putin’s bitch boy, are inflicting on his people, right? As the steward of democracy and shit?

Oh okay! Here we go! Here’s a super serious tweet from Trump…this must be it.


Goddamnit. So now I’ve come to understand that our president has officially tweeted more insults to the host of a Sunday morning talk show than he has condolences to the families of the people murdered by Assad? Is this the real life? This cannot possibly be true.

Okay, I get it now. I can see from the time stamp on that twet that I’m still looking at tweets that came before the gas attack! If I just scroll up on his Twitter timeline, I’ll find tweets about the gas attack, surely. Let’s see here…

Here’s a screenshot of Trump’s only two tweets from today, April 4th, 2017 as of the time of publication.

It seems he’s more interested in helping Matt Drudge castigate Susan Rice for doing her job as National Security Adviser than he is in, at the very least, tweeting condolences. I mean, sure, maybe he has certain political pressures keeping him from condemning Assad for this, or that prevent him from publicly speculating that Russia played some kind of supporting role in the attack, but surely he must want to tweet sympathies and condolences to those who were mass murdered, right?


After eight years of hearing how un-seriously Barack Obama took the job, after nearly a decade of complaining about how he handled every international and domestic crisis, it would be just a heaping bowl of Hypocrisy Stew the Republicans serve us up if they don’t call out Trump for his lack of even a single condemning comment about the gas attack, right? And we all know that Republicans are never hypocrites.

Except when they lead presidential blowjob witch hunts literally at the same moment in time they’re fucking their would-be third wife behind the back of their super-sick second wife, of course.

Or when they say that Benghazi was the worst disaster of American foreign policy when they still believe the Vietnam and Iraq Wars were justified. Or, like, when Trump approves a raid in Yemen that leaves American citizens dead, and Republicans don’t say fuck-all about that…but I mean, do all these examples of hypocrisy really mean the Republicans are just a craven, misanthropic gaggle of tools for the oligarchy?

Yes. Of fucking course it does. Because that’s what they have become, and that’s what their “president” not tweeting about this attack when he can tweet about SNL or bullshit conspiracy theories about Obama doing a “tapp” on his wires has come to truly epitomize: Their galling, unrepentant, hubris-filled hypocrisy.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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