Apparently, up to this point, Donald Trump has felt — seriously, now — like his campaign was shackled by the GOP establishment. Maybe I’m nuts, but “restrained” is hardly a word I use to describe the Trump campaign. I’d use something more like…”fucking nuts.”
I don’t know a lot, but I know for a fact that Paul Ryan has triggered Donald Trump something fierce.
American politics have been at the center of my comedic material for about five or six years now. In that time, I’ve gotten to see the rise of the Tea Party and the utter shit show the Republican Party devolved into over the first black president. Looking at it from the perch we have now, with just a few months left in Barack Obama’s tenure in the White House, of course the GOP ended up immolating over Obama; they’d made bedfellows with so many overt and dog whistle racists and their singular hatred of any Democratic president that they were blinded to reality a lot of the times, and thought that spending the better part of a decade doing nothing for the American people — because I don’t consider dozens of meaningless attempts to repeal Obamacare or tens of millions of dollars spent getting the same answers in the Benghazi scandal investigation doing work for the American people — would ingratiate them to the American people.
They were about as wrong about that as they are about Trickle Down Economics, but that’s not the point here.
The point is, that over the last few years, I’ve seen some really stupid characters in the American political landscape. There’s Hermain Cain and his “9-9-9” tax plan. There are the reigning Queens of Derp, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. There’s Louie Gohmert — whose presence in Congress proves that not all Texans have negative views of the mentally challenged. But none of the characters to rise up from the ooze and stand tall on the biggest stage the country has to offer have been as insane, unhinged, and yet altogether the pluperfect analog for the American Republican as Donald J. Trump has been.
From the start his campaign has been divisive as hell. All Mexican immigrants were either rapists, murderers or drug dealers, except on the rare occasion you got one who wasn’t, of course.
After reading this tweet from Trump, I have a really simple question to ask: So you weren’t unshackled before?
- When you said that Mexicans were all rapists, drug dealers, and murderers — that was an example of your being “shackled?”
- When you made fun of a disabled reporter — that was restraint?
- When you mocked Ted Cruz’s wife and Carly Fiorina over their looks — that was you showing judicious judgment?
- When you said John McCain wasn’t a war hero because he was captured — that was you being cautious in your choice of words?
- When you viciously attacked Alicia Machado (again) and said we should watch her sex tape — that was you exercising control over yourself?
If his answers to these questions are variations on “Yes,” then all I can say is: Yes. Please, Donald. Go big. Throw off those shackles and show us how you really feel about things.
As a political comedian, I just about came when I read that tweet. We all know that no one has really been able to temper Donald. He’s had shake up over shake up, and in any other year a candidate having as many “managers” as his had would’ve been enough of a joke to disqualify him. But at the end of it all, “restraint” and “cool as a cucumber” are things that just don’t belong being uttered in the same breath as “Donald Trump.” The idea that Trump was showing any sort of conservative approach to his campaign rhetoric before this point, and is just now going to start Donald-ing it up, has set my comedy boner to the “Nuclear Fallout” setting.
If a more reserved Trump gave us 3am tweet storm tirades against a former Miss Universe winner, then what the hell is going to fly off that angry orangutan’s fingers now that he’s officially in IDGAF mode? If his bombastic, neurotic, and truly terrible debate performances came while he was feeling restrained and shackled, just what is going to come flying out of his mouth now that he truly doesn’t care what the establishment in his party thinks of him?
Not being one to predict things, I can’t say whether or not Trump will win, but it’s looking very unlikely at this point. My guess is that desperation is going to fuel the truly crazy shit and he will essentially be a walking, talking Breitbart or Infowars article without all the intellectual acuity those two sites give their readers. He’ll keep his base fired up, but that’s about it. Clearly the Republicans who are jumping ship right now understand something that Trump and his die-hards don’t — he’s a cocktail of the worst parts of cancer and AIDS and most Americans are disgusted by the idea of him being Commander in Chief.
So given that it would take a pretty insane miracle for him to win in November, I’m all for Trump ramping up his rhetoric to the point that he becomes the black hole that sucks all the light out the GOP’s tunnel. It’s become evident that they are a broken party and they need a fiery, final crash of their clown car to wipe the slate clean. Maybe they reform as a stronger Republican Party and maybe they just wither and die like so many Whigs. Who knows?
What I do know is that if you’ve enjoyed the deranged bullshit that Trump’s campaign has tainted the Republican Party with, you’re really going to live Unshackled Donald Trump. I know I’m going to. So grab a deck chair, plop it down and enjoy riding the Trumptanic’s broken hull into the black abyss with me.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.