I think it’s going to be very important for every American, whether they be liberal, conservative, or Trump supporter, to remember one very important thing about the current occupant of the White House — he was made relevant again thanks to a reality TV show.

Why is it important for us all to remember that? Because reality TV isn’t based in any form of reality, that’s why. They call it “scripted reality” sometimes, but the the bottom line is that most reality TV shows are completely and utterly staged. “The Apprentice” was most definitely one of those shows. Anyone who thought that Donald Trump was personally making the decisions about who to fire on that piece of shit show is naive as all get out.

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Trump was treated like every reality TV star is treated — like a sack of meat you jam your hand up inside to make flap his big, dumb mouth. There’s a word for that. What word am I thinking of…?

Donald Trump Youre The Puppet GIF by Election 2016 - Find & Share on GIPHY

Yup, that’s the one.

Trump was fed every decision he made on that show. Otherwise, “The Apprentice” might have done as well as Trump’s other ventures. You know, like the casinos he ran into the ground or his steaks and bottled water. Trump has been and always will be an abject failure who never pays the price for his shortcomings and bad decisions because he was born rich and half this country thinks if you’re born rich that must mean you did something right and are worthy of praise and admiration for just that fact alone. Adding hilarity to that nonsense is the fact that as a predominantly Christian group, their worship of the rich man flies directly in the face of what Jesus taught.

But this notion that Trump is a puppet is very important. We all know what Hillary was implying in the debate that the GIF up there memorializes. But it’s not just Putin that can control Trump — it’s anyone who Trump thinks will help him get good press. He’ll let himself get manipulated and controlled by anyone he thinks will help him look better, even if that person is, say, the minority leader of the party that is currently trying to obstruct his agenda, like Nancy Pelosi.

What could I be referring to, you wonder? This tweet, from this morning. Multiple outlets are confirming that the tweet was the brainchild of both Trump and Pelosi.

Pelosi told House Democrats at a closed-door she spoke to Trump via phone Thursday morning and urged him to reassure those protected in the Obama-era Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, two sources said. Trump initiated the phone call to Pelosi, they said.
She “asked him to tweet this to make clear Dreamers won’t be subject to deportation in 6 month window,” according to one of the sources. She did not provide specific wording, just a general idea. (CNN)


And just to put the cherry on the sundae, here’s Pelosi thanking Trump publicly for his tweet.

I wish I could have been in the room with Dinesh D’Felona or Laura Ingraham when Trump and Pelosi sent their tweets. I wish I could’ve been dining with Ann Coulter, though she’d be the only one consuming human flesh as the sole Nazi vampire between us, when the tweets came. I wish, truly wish, I could’ve been chilling with right-wing firebrand Aryan Snowflake, the great Timbale Lorenzo when she read these tweets. It has to make their hair stand on end, because they know as the media’s go-to Trump dick lickers, their job will be to spin this as something the Trumplodyte base can swallow.

Someone’s going to have to tell me how Republicans think they elected a strong leader, because clearly this guy just wants to be liked. He’s not leading. He’s not governing. He’s trying to make pacts with people like he’s a contestant on “Survivor.” I know I keep using the reality-TV analogy, but I can’t think of a better one. Trump isn’t just an empty suit. He’s an empty head on top of an empty, heartless body. He was born rich and never, ever was a man of the people. When his supporters say he cares about this country it’s only true because a lot of his fortune is here. I don’t even think Trump truly cares about where his kids or grandkids live, but where his money lives? You betcha.

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It seems to me that Pelosi just cucked Trump Nation. She did an end-around their party and got Trump to tweet out a significant clarification that essentially makes his rescinding of DACA meaningless. No one should be surprised though, because as the country reacted angrily to his decision, Trump began backpedaling and walking back the finality of the decision, saying in a tweet they’d “revisit” DACA if Congress doesn’t act.

We all know Don Trump is a con man. Republicans knew it, and they didn’t care and voted for him anyway. They just had to steal a Supreme Court pick from Black Man McDemocratface, didn’t they? So they don’t deserve sympathy, and maybe this episode could also show the American left that Trump is just as likely throw the GOP under the bus as he is to be The Next Literal Hitler. The reality is that Trump is such an incompetent and empty vessel that if the right people get a hold of him, he could end up turning Obamacare into universal healthcare and he’ll likely end up signing the Dream Act into law.

So, tell me, Trump Lovers, do you feel a little cucked now? Because you totally should. You fell for the con. I’d feel bad for you, but the amount of sleep we’ve all lost since January is making me bleary eyed and frankly incapable of it. Go ahead and tell yourself he’s playing eighteen dimensional chess if you want to, but the bottom line is that you all elected a milquetoast failure of mediocrity and fecklessness, and this will probably not be the last time you feel betrayed by the Orange Savior.

Make Red America Gullible As Fuck Again.


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