Okay, so now we’re all supposed to believe that Donald Trump believes that Barack Obama was born in the United States. Given his propensity for courting racists, retweeting racists, and you know, doing racist shit as a landlord, I kinda think he’ll say whatever he thinks he has to. I know, that’s a revolutionary thought on the man, but yeah, there it is.

My question in all of this is, “How many birthers did Donald Trump just lose by admitting that Obama is a U.S. citizen?”

Part me wants to say none, because again, I think deep down Trump is a genuine racist and so racists who support him get he’s got to play the game, as it were, from time to time and hide his racism. Or, maybe he figures, “Fine, he was born in America, but he’s still dark as night, so fuck him anyway.” I’m betting his supporters are going to give him that out in their minds anyway, and it won’t cost him that many birther votes.

Who knows though? This is a party we’re talking about here that didn’t turn out in the same kind of numbers for John “War Boner” McCain and Mitt “Let Them Eat Cake And Wear Magic Underwear” Romney because they didn’t feel either were “genuine” enough. They weren’t genuinely Republican enough. Although…now that I think about it more…

It won’t matter to most of the Republican base. Even though as recently as January, polls were showing that about half of them didn’t believe he as born in America, they’ll simply turn a willfully blind eye to Trump’s admission that Obama was born in the United States. They’ll either say he “had to do it” so the “lamestream libtarded media” would leave him alone about it, or they’ll straight-up deny they were birthers up until the point Trump said he wasn’t, or they’ll be like him and claim they gave it up years ago when the evidence shows that to be an outright, utter lie.

Just today I was tweeting with a lovely chap named “Obama Sucks Anus” on Twitter, and he told me that since investigators later found holdover WMD in Iraq that had been there since the Reagan administration, conservatives and Republicans were vindicated for the Iraq War. So even though Cheney and company told us Saddam was actively pursuing WMD and it came to pass that we found out the only stuff they had was old shit Cheney and company had helped them obtain, this guy genuinely thought merely finding them was enough to exonerate Bush Administration’s blatant lies. So these are the kinds of reality-deprived people we’re dealing with here.

So I guess the question of whether Donald can renounce his birtherism and hold onto birther voters will ultimately come down to whether or not the ideological puritan side of them takes dominance or not. If they feel betrayed by his rejection of the very political “theory” that he launched his campaign with — he had become the lead birther over Obama’s terms — then maybe they’ll leave him hanging in key swing states. If their more cynical, political sides shine through, then I think they’ll simply hold their nose and vote for Trump, hoping deep down he’s really the racist they think he is.

The way I see it, Republicans are far more desperate than they were in 2008 or 2012, believe it or not. As much as they hated Obama, they are terrified of another Clinton, because in their mind Hillary is a cold blooded, ruthless assassin with Parksinson’s who has one and a half feet in the grave. She’s George Soros’ personal puppet, a secret Communist, and she laughed callously as she threw her Blackberry out of the window the night of the Benghazi attacks, gleefully cackling with the knowledge that she was leaving four Americans to die, because Killary Clintstoned loves to cover up her murders.

If you combine their desperation to keep Hillary out with their desperation to win the White House, even if they have to do it riding on the coattails of the least qualified, most horrifying person to win a major party’s nomination in the history of our nation, they’ll do it. Birthers will forgive his forsaking of them. Non-birthers will suddenly feel better about voting for him, even though they know deep down he’s still a racist piece of shit. And in the end, whether or not Trump wins will come down to how many sad, pathetically desperate people in swing states turn out to vote, and whether enough of them can sacrifice their principles one way or another to pull their respective levers for a multiple-failed businessman with multiple marriage failures and multiple racist comments, retweets, and court cases against him, all in a purely political quest to keep the evil liberals out of the White House. And don’t worry, it’s just the state of our Supreme Court, current LGBTQ+ protections, and health insurance access at stake. No big whoop.

Is it November yet?

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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