I’ve made no secret about how much Nazi Barbie — more commonly known as Tomi Lahren — gets under my skin, which is odd because my skin color would seem to indicate Tomi is tailoring her message to me. Maybe my ears just aren’t lily white enough, but instead of hearing words, all I hear are dog whistle racist rhetoric and million-mile-an-hour demagoguery. But I wanted to just take a few hundred words to advise any readers out there who are on Twitter of a new, fun game we’re all playing to troll the Aryan Snowflake with every tweet she makes.

First, you have to know what a “diss track” is, because the whole impetus for the meme I’m going to let you all in on is Tomi’s complete ignorance about what one is. A diss track is something in hip-hop wherein a rapper “disses” a subject at breakneck speeds and in copiously written lyrics. They are insult-laden works of art that allow a rapper to just unleash a steady torrent of verbal jabs on anyone and any subject. Rapper Wale made a diss track for Tomi and called it “Smile.”

As reported by USA Today, Wale’s lyrics intentionally mispronounced Lahren’s name.

“On behalf of Charlamagne (tha God), I’m sure he ain’t trading sides,” the Gifted artist raps in reference to the “Breakfast Club” co-host and his hotly-contested meeting with Lahren last month. “Maybe I should meet Tammy Lahren, I’ll Lauryn Hill her… she miseducated anyway. Probably hate the color of my face.” (source)

Now, this might totally shock you, but Tomi clearly doesn’t know anything about hip-hop culture. I mean, I could say that her blatantly racist rants about Black Lives Matter being the same as the KKK should lead us to a lack of shock, but let’s not get bogged down in the clearly racist details. But Tomi’s response was so stereotypical in its ignorance and so glorious in its misplaced hubris and condescension that I’ll just present it in its original tweet form.

To which Wale had one of the funniest and most concise responses I’ve ever seen on Twitter.


If you’ve been on the Internet for more than the last couple days, you can imagine what’s happened since. But here are a couple of the more hilarious examples of Tomi Trolling I’ve seen this week.


And they just go on from there. You get the picture. Now it’s a new thing on Twitter to respond to Tomi’s tweets while making sure to bastardize her name. I thought in the interest of public service that I’d give anyone out there reading this a little list of suggested alternate names for Ms. Lahren. And here it goes.

  • Timmy
  • Tommy
  • Tummy
  • Tiny
  • Teeny
  • Toony
  • Tony Toni Ton-E
  • Tomboy
  • Tauntaun
  • Toyota
  • Tommy Gun
  • Testicular cancer
  • Tumor
  • Tautologist
  • Taint
  • Teutonic
  • Tumbleweed
  • Tow Truck
  • Toe Ring
  • Vapid, Ignorant, Fuckwit

So the next time you find yourself bored on Twitter, go and drop Tweedle Super-Dumb a line won’t you? And if you have any others you’d like to suggest, drop us a line on our Facebook page or on Twitter.

(A previous version of this piece appeared  with “Teutonic” misspelled. The misceeants responsible have been burned at the stake at our corporate HQ.)

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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