Much like herpes or the Meat of the Month Club, the campaign and election of Donald Trump to the presidency is a gift that just keeps on giving. The past year and a half have provided us with a constant stream of trainwreck-esque entertainment that alternates between laughable and truly horrifying. President-Elect Trump (Secret Service code name: “Agent Orange”) was nothing more than a sideshow to the majority of U.S. citizens when he started discussing a presidential run: a crass and classless nouveau-riche boor who couldn’t even keep his own namesake real estate ventures out of bankruptcy, much less inspire confidence as a head of state. He was a narcissistic reality-TV caricature, a guy you wouldn’t even trust to babysit your children, let alone have access to nuclear arsenal launch codes.

I mean, come on, how thin-skinned and manipulable can a supposed billionaire be? This guy can’t exercise the self-control of your typical teenager on Twitter, and every slight – real or imagined – is met with a fusillade of denials and personal insults. His pettiness and vindictive nature was matched only by his broad-spectrum bigotry; this guy insulted nearly everyone in the country with his racist, sexist, homophobic, and xenophobic rhetoric. He embodied every single aspect of the “ugly American” stereotype that permeates the rest of the world.

Really – how could ANYONE take this burnt-sienna buffoon seriously?

Oh silly, silly us. The signs were all there, for anyone to see, but so many of us mistakenly thought our modern society had finally edged past the tipping point toward collective sanity. But no, ooooooh no, we most certainly had not. Any rudimentary analysis would have identified the fertile field that hadn’t been so thoroughly cultivated since the Reagan era, if not the Dixiecrat 1960’s. A society that worships Kim Kardashian, a vapid idiot whose only accomplishment is to do absolutely nothing of value, albeit on camera… why wouldn’t they embrace “The Donald” with equal enthusiasm?

He squarely targeted the least (yet, paradoxically, often the most) common denominator of our society – hateful ignorance – and scored a resounding bullseye. In fact, his aim was so deadly accurate that it also caused collateral damage by drawing in even the most casual and well-intended bigots.  You know, the ones who all have a black friend that they’ll bring up when defending their “colorblindness.” We can all thank Professor Robin DiAngelo for coining the exquisite term “White Fragility Syndrome.”

Those who would vociferously argue that they are the “least-racist person you know” (not exactly a definitive endorsement) were drawn into the Trump vortex, led by the relentless demonization of Hillary Clinton to the point where tens of millions of registered voters essentially indicated by popular referendum that having a personal e-mail server was far, far worse than bragging about sexual assault or discriminating against minorities to the point where the Federal Government brings a lawsuit against you over it.

I’ve already spent some words on who is to blame for this debacle, but the further out from this last election day (aka “White Tuesday”) we go, the more we are hearing the increasingly frequent and disturbing accounts of openly-racist, misogynistic, and xenophobic acts in public. The vitriolic hate-speech that Trump and his close supporters have engaged in throughout his campaign have, naturally, drawn the bigots and hate-mongers onto his bandwagon like moths to a flame. The acts of violence against black protestors at his campaign events showed us what the tone was, in no uncertain terms. Endorsements by the Ku Klux Klan, David Duke, The American Nazi Party (seriously, a glowing endorsement from the party chair!), and numerous other fringe groups based on militia movements and white nationalism came cascading in, and Trump did little or less to dissuade them.  He garnered support from every fear-based hate group, including the bulk of evangelical Christians.  Yes, I list them as a hate group, for reasons that should be obvious and may be addressed in a later article.

This extreme-right movement, which had roots in the Ronald Reagan presidency, finally found widespread traction with the election of one Barack Hussein Obama. Nearly every established “3%” militia group, Second Amendment activist group, and wildly-xenophobic mouthpiece hit the radar between November 2008 and the end of 2009, when the ascendency of a black man to the White House caused a large portion of White America to lose its collective mind.  From the birth of the Oath Keepers to the emergence of Fox News as the leading news channel in America, the pushback against liberals, science, and un-white people has been lately lumped under the heading of “Alt-Right.”

We’ve all seen this term used ad nauseum by this point, and unlike some rational people around me, I don’t want to completely scrap the term. I prefer to use the far-more-accurate name for this huge, collective regression in progress:


Fiscal conservatism doesn’t drive the conversation with our embarrassing family members at the holiday dinner table now; “Alt-White” rhetoric puts little stock in quantifiable numbers or factual data. “Alt-White” rides the wave of feeling marginalized and scorned for nearly a decade, now.  “Alt-White” finally gets to speak its mind, to acknowledge that pent-up frustration at foreigners and coloreds taking our jobs and our tax money, to be wired back to Mexico or used to purchase “Welfare Cadillacs.” 

“Alt-White” is sick and tired of stupid liberals preventing them from being able to openly discriminate like they did back in the good old days. “Alt-White” wants to make our military great again (as opposed to the somehow-disgraceful-yet-largest-and-most-powerful-in-the-world, as it is now) to gain the respect of the rest of the world, which they feel is now missing. “Alt-White” wants to stamp out political correctness and safe spaces, so that those “precious little snowflakes” can go back to hiding in the closet, the way they used to, living in fear of violence for accidentally letting their true feelings slip out.

The “Alt-Right” doesn’t believe in anthropogenic climate change, because it is common knowledge that God made the Earth, and nothing as insignificant as mankind can undo what the Creator has done. It isn’t the oil companies lying about climate change; it’s the solar power industry that’s conspiring with literally every climate-related scientist on the planet, and the “Alt-White” knows it. All those scientists are just in it for the money. 

“Alt-White” knows that God’s law is greater than man’s law, and that this has always been a Christian Nation. “Alt-White” has no problem with theocratic rule – as long as it is their theology that rules. “Alt-White” knows that there were no problems before we started letting all these foreigners into America, and giving all the black people a free ride.

Most of all, “Alt-White” is sick and tired of their White Privilege being constantly eroded. “Alt-White” is ready to take the country back.  The only question is, are they taking us back to the 1850’s South, or to 1933 Germany?

Ask the “Alt-White” which it is, and even they couldn’t tell you. That drunk idiot in the back seat has finally taken the wheel, and we’re all just holding on for dear life now.


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