It’s nice to know that after a long time just writing fake news stories I still have the ability to piss-off the right and the left. When I wrote my loving tribute to Antonin Scalia, “When Justice Scalia Died It Felt Like My Soul Took The Most Satisfying Dump Ever,” I knew people on both sides who read it would have the title alone stabbing the holier-than-thou and üuber-PC’s hearts out with slide trombones. I was not disappointed by some of the super-concern-troll responses the piece got.

Just a smattering of the responses. I’ve decided not to link to the comments to save anonymity of the commenters, but they’re easy enough to find if you know the pages that regularly share our stories out.

“Stop. Seriously you are making liberals look as bad and heartless as they are.”

Here’s the argument for giving someone in death what they felt no compunction to give many in life. The appeal to the better angels of our nature. Meh.

“Thats not cool. People are people, policies are just that. Liberals should be above that, this is just as bad as conservatives.”

No, policies are people. Good people don’t come up with shitty policies on purpose. On accident it happens all the time. But good people don’t willfully champion discrimination like that.

“You’re as ugly, insensitive and inconsequential as Donald Trump. We’re liberal in part, because we’re compassionate. Scalia is gone. He can’t hear you, doesn’t care. His family remains and hurts just like you will when you lose someone dear to you. Have a heart and just a tiny bit of class.”

After my ego-boner calmed down, I thought about this one. And very honestly, I came up with this: If his family didn’t know he was a hateful bigot, they either are hateful bigots themselves or probably never venture out of their houses or out from under the rocks they clearly live under where they still pretend it’s the late 18th-century. Because no one in their right mind would read his dissents and opinions where he said executing innocent people knowingly is totes okay if they got a “fair trial” (because you know, it’s a totally fair trial if it convicted an innocent man, right?) would say this guy wasn’t far gone out in right field mentally and not worthy of being taken seriously.

Also: fuck class. I’m not so pretentious as to keep myself from telling the same truth about someone in death as I’d tell about them in life.

“Looking forward to your obituary asshole…..hope you burn in hell with all the other liberals!”

Fapped pretty hard to this one, won’t lie.

“Come on, hate his ideas, but a man has died. Show some respect. The outcome is the same if you are respectful of a human being and his family. Show some class so that the GOP can learn a little about it.”

Again, no one can be separated from their ideas, because ideas come from our own brains. Now, I will grant you that it seems at first like his thoughts come from a dysfunctional brain, but it’s never been proven that political ideology of any bent is a mental disorder, despite what neckbearded lolbertaryans say about liberalism. So, no, I’ll treat his bullshit opinions as part of his bullshit existence that is now, thankfully, fucking over.

I will have no “basic humanity” for a man in death who lacked humanity in life. I will have no civility for a man in death who was uncivil to the weakest among us in life. I will give zero fucks, forever and ever, about bashing a bigoted man who wielded his immense power to enforce his bigotry as much as possible on people when they die.



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