The Republican National Committee is taking a page out of the WWE’s playbook and will install a giant steel cage at the political party’s convention this summer in Cleveland, RNC officials have said.

The 2,500-square-foot, 25-foot-tall chain-link enclosure is much larger than the steel cages sometimes used for professional wrestling matches and will surround the entire convention stage in Quicken Loans Arena, where thousands of delegates will descend in July to nominate the Republican presidential candidate.

Given the raucous tone of the GOP primary season, RNC leaders say the huge cage is both fitting and necessary for the convention.

“People have compared the race for the Republican nomination to WWE SmackDown,” RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said while holding a microphone and donning only red, white, and blue spandex tights and a pair of black, calf-high, lace-up costume boots. “Well, I got news for you, brother! This Republican convention is going to make WrestleMania look like patty-cake!

“I don’t know and I don’t care where the WWE is doing their patheticSummerSlam, because the REAL slam of the summer will be in Downtown C-Town, baby! July 18 through 21st! It’s going to be a four-day battle royal for the very soul of the Party of Lincoln, son! And it’s going down in a giant steel cage, because the stakes are too high to fight it out any other way!” Priebus continued.

Priebus added he and the GOP establishment will be ready to take on outsiders Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, and vow to do whatever is necessary to prevent either one of them from winning the nomination.

“Real Republicans from all over this great land of ours — from the Silver State to the Golden State, from the Land of Enchantment to the Land of Lincoln, from the Sunshine State to the Last Frontier — they’re coming to Cleveland to destroy the hopes, destroy the dreams, and destroy the very will of both that shaved orangutan from New York City and that whiney Cuban-Canadian fart-smeller from Texas,” Priebus explained.

He continued, “You hear that, Trump? You hear that, Cruz? Neither of you are worthy of the title ‘GOP nominee.’ So you bring your precious delegates to the Quicken Loans Arena on July 18 and step into the steel cage with the party establishment — if you dare — and you will both leave with nothing! Nothing … but an absolutely merciless beatdown.”

Priebus concluded his remarks directed at Trump and Cruz by saying, “And not only will your political careers be annihilated, but it will all happen in front of tens and hundreds of millions and millions of people all around the world tuned in to witness what will be the greatest spectacle in politics in the history of the greatest nation on the face of the Earth!”

Republished from The Red Shtick.


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