Yesterday, after eight years and more than fifty futile, grandstanding only attempts to repeal Obamacare, the Republican Party finally unveiled its replacement for the Affordable Care Act. If you’re even remotely aware of American politics, you know that the plan is getting pilloried on both sides of the aisle. Democrats say it basically strips all the important stuff from the ACA, blows a massive hole in the budget, and also could leave millions back in a position where they can’t afford healthcare if they get sick. Republicans hate it because it won’t throw nearly enough poor people off their health insurance.

But I’m not here to analyze their plan. I’m here, right now, to simply mock the fact that H.R. 1275 was officially christened by the geniuses who drafted it as the “World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan.” I’m not fucking kidding, guys. I’m deadly serious.

Check it out, from the official website of Congress:

H.R.1275 – 115th Congress (2017-2018): World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017

Summary of H.R.1275 – 115th Congress (2017-2018): World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017

What an incredibly laughable proposition. For starters, nothing in H.R. 1275 remotely takes us in the direction that we’d need to go even come close to Canada’s health care policies. The simple, unavoidable truth when you look at the actual costs of health care, is that countries that utilize a single payer system pay less. In fact, since 1275 really only is Obamacare-lite, it probably won’t do anything to address the fact that our country is often ranked among the lowest in industrialized nations in terms of the quality of healthcare we can provide to all our citizens.

It’s pretty laughable, to the point of anger really, that Republicans would imply any healthcare policy that still leads millions without access to healthcare is the best. The truth is that even under Obamacare it was entirely possible to not be able to afford the vital healthcare you need, even if you pay for insurance. That is the truth, that as long as profit margins get to take precedence at all, humans will get the short end of the stick. A balance can and should be struck, but at this point moving us to anything other than true, universal health care is a side-step at best.

In this country, under Obamacare or Trumpcare, it’s still very possible to go bankrupt if you or your loved ones fall ill. Conservatives want us to believe that’s just a “fuck ’em” waiting to happen. They want us to believe the American way, and the truly better way for society, is for us to tell people “So sorry you can’t afford your healthcare, but well, fuck you and stuff, you understand.” But the rest of the civilized world understands that healthcare is a fucking human right, and considering that the U.S. has signed international treaties to that end, letting the GOP control healthcare is just giving up and saying we’re okay with being hypocritical, uncaring sociopaths toward the poor.

Can you imagine the balls of calling something that doesn’t cover nearly as much as the rest of the universal health care plans every other major country has “World’s Greatest?” This is why everyone hated us during the Dubya years. Unearned, laughable hubris. We didn’t have the greatest health care system before Obamacare. We didn’t have it with Obamacare, and we sure as fucking shit won’t have it with whatever God awful monstrosity the Republicans try to turd polish into something decent.

World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan? More like, “World’s Greatest Con Job Of A Healthcare Plan.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.



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