Warning — if you came here for an erudite rebuttal of Sarah Palin’s “gift basket” comments regarding immigration, find your browser’s back or home buttons and engage them. I’m fuming fucking mad at the world right now, and after reading her stupid comments I’m not really in any mood to hold back.

First, let’s just get the Half-Term Halfwit from the North’s quote out of the way, shall we?

“Knowing that Trump won on that issue, it should empower you to go ahead and ask the candidates, ‘What the heck are you thinking, candidates? What are you thinking when you’re going ahead and actually asking for more immigrants, illegal immigrants, welcoming them in, even inducing and seducing immigrants with gift baskets of teddy bears and soccer balls?” (source)

The issue that Queen Derp herself is referring to is immigration.

For some reason in her bird-sized brain, Palin thinks that Trump “won” on immigration just because he’s still in the race and saying horrible things about immigrants. This must be what “winning” is to Trump — just having you or one of your Jell-O brained lackeys declare yourself the winner. This is the exact kind of hubris and sociopathy that make people convince themselves he’s a dictator in the offing. But let’s just ignore the fact that Trump hasn’t won a single fucking thing, and drill down further into Her Royal Brain Dead’s comments.

Sarah Palin should be told that even if they were handing out gold bars and handjobs the border, that every immigrant would still have to come live in a country with her in it and her stubborn insistence on inhaling and exhaling devalues any “gift baskets” being offered to immigrants. Yes, Sarah, we are asking for more immigrants. Why? Because we’re a nation of goddamned immigrants, that’s why. I don’t know if all the years up in Alaska have completely frozen her cerebral cortex stiff, but this woman is incapable of any kind of thought that can be remotely considered “deep.”

We need immigrants in this country.

Immigrants built the railroads and the highways we use every day. Immigrants make our meals, teach our children, and police our streets. Immigrants, someone should tell Capt. Palin of the First All-American Shit for Brains Brigade, even serve in our Armed Forces. And that’s to say absolutely nothing of the children of immigrants who go on to do things like co-found Apple Computers and stuff. Hell, Albert Goddamned Einstein was an immigrant to this country, and I daresay his contributions to our society were quite well appreciated and are felt today.

Frankly, if I’m given the opportunity to dine or spend time with a family of immigrants or a family of privileged, ignorant, misinformed, ill-educated slack-jawed white natives guess who I’m choosing? The strident xenophobia that Palin is embracing at Trump’s behest is the same, the very same, as the xenophobia that had many Americans convinced the dirty Chinese workers were going to ruin our country, and those ginger bearded drunkards from Ireland were going to bring nothing but famine, disease and violence to our shores.

This kind of rhetoric drove me away from conservatism. I’m a dopey comedian first, but I have a love of history, and when you can go back a hundred or more years and simply swap out the country of origin in their rhetoric and arrive at the same anti-immigrant message, you have to understand you’re standing on the wrong side of history.

Yes, undoubtedly if we keep accepting immigrants we may let in a criminal or two. But unless and until you can show me crime statistics that show native born Americans aren’t committing the overwhelming majority of crimes in this country, I’m just going to call you a xenophobic fascist and be done with it. There is no reality in which immigrants commit more crime than natives; period. The sheer numbers of it belie that fact.

I will never, for the life of me, understand how Republicans have become so anti-immigrant. Nearly all of us owe our very citizenship to the fact that at some point someone immigrated here. Many of us, whether we’d admit it or not, are here because someone broke immigration laws to get here. I remember a time when conservatives were proud of the natural born citizen clause because they didn’t think of things in terms of “Anchor Babies.” They wore it as a badge of honor that our country offered so much better opportunities that women would literally come here to give their newborn children the shot at a better life their home countries could not afford them.

Intolerance and bigotry have haunted this country since its birth. We are certainly not the only populace to struggle with a desire to wall ourselves in, but I maintain and will maintain until I’ve drawn my last breath on this mortal coil that the whole entire reason we have managed to remain so strong is that we didn’t close ourselves off to human beings yearning to breathe free, but rather precisely because we have remained so welcoming, we have created a society that is truly greater than the sum of its parts.

…and that’s even with simpletons like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump dragging the average down.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.