This humorous and clearly satirical news item first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, as temporary President Donald Trump was leaving the White House to go and pick up some beef jerky, coffee, doughnuts, hot dogs, ice cream, deep fried Oreos, and McDonald’s for himself for breakfast, he was stopped by the press pool and asked questions about the damaging bombshell report in The New York Times that placed his son, Donald Trump Jr. in a mess of hot water.
The story, corroborated by three top officials in the White House, states that the younger Trump took a meeting with a Russian attorney after he was promised via email that the information she had on Hillary Clinton came from Russia’s effort to hack her and her compatriots. If true, it’s incredibly damning and damaging to the president’s claim that he, nor anyone close to him, colluded with Russia. Seventeen intelligence communities have concluded that Russia did attempt and succeed at hacking various data systems in the U.S. in order to help sew confusion and chaos, and hopefully help Trump win.
Mr. Trump ended up winning on a razor-thin margin in the Electoral College, about 100,000 crucial votes spread out over three key states swinging his way. He lost the popular vote. It’s been a subject of tension for him, and he’s made it a point to talk about his victory whenever and wherever possible. This morning, however, all reporters wanted to talk about was his son, Donald Trump Jr., and his meeting with the Russian lawyer.
“Mr. Temporary President, could you give us just a few words about Donald Trump Jr. and his meeting last year with a Russian attorney,” asked a reporter from CNN.
Trump put on a confused look.
“Wait, you mean to tell me there’s a guy taking my name,” Mr. Trump asked the reporter.
The CNN reporter nodded. She stood there looking at the president for a moment. Then she realized he might need more prompting.
“He’s your son, sir,” the CNN reporter added.
“Fake news,” Trump shouted back at her.
This time, a reporter from The Miami Herald took up the cause. He tried to get President Trump to be clearer as to what he was saying was “fake news.”
“You mean the story about him meeting with a Russian attorney after being promised dirt on Hillary is fake news, sir,” the reporter asked Mr. Trump.
Trump shook his head.
“Nope,” President Trump answered, “I’m saying he, Donald Trump Jr., is fake news. Never heard of him until now, to be totally honest.”
For the next several minutes, different members of media outlets all over the political spectrum showed pictures of the president with his son to the commander in chief. No matter how hard they tried, though, no one could get Trump to admit that Trump Jr. is his son. Eventually, reports are that the president grew agitated and was really hungry for his beef jerky, coffee, doughnuts, hot dogs, ice cream, deep fried Oreos, and McDonald’s, so we ended the conversation, perhaps with a little more explanation into his reasoning.
“You can’t hold ME responsible for something Fake News does or says,” Trump said, “So he’s Fake News. FAKE.”
Trump waited a second for emphases.
“F-A-K,” the president spelled out.
He paused yet another moment.
“FAKE,” Trump said with finality.
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