You know how conservatives think calling progressives “snowflakes” is funny and that the idea of “safe spaces” are purely a liberal invention?

The next time a conservative says something like that to you, you have my permission to laugh your balls off at them. Or if you don’t have balls, whatever part of your genitals you feel best transcribes from balls. Because conservatives, or Republicans at least, just elected the biggest, whiny, crybaby snowflake as president, and he very clearly needs a safe space away from critics — whether they’re comedians or members of the press simply quoting him directly.

Look at this tweet from the incoming Fuckwit in Chief:

I genuinely wonder if Trump considers the press — that give him BILLIONS in free campaign advertising the last two years — are his enemy. I wonder if he really thinks they treat him unfairly, or if this is just another distraction, and attempt to make himself look sympathetic to his supporters. They are the ones who believe the word media is as offensive as the N-word, so it’s possible. But I think he’s also genuinely hurt by criticism.

Clearly Trump is someone who has never had to be held truly accountable. He’s never been held up to the constant barrage of critique that the President of the United States of America faces every single day. And he’s not at all prepared for it, which isn’t surprising given how ill-prepared he is for the job in general. He’s a spoiled baby man-child and he doesn’t like the press covering him the same way they cover every other president.

And let’s also be very clear here — I have yet to see a single, solitary news story that covered Herr Trump that didn’t quote him accurately and fairly. What Trump really seems to hate is that they are using his own words and keeping them in context. He doesn’t like that the press has focused on his bumblefuckery like the call with Taiwan. He, I guess, thinks that as president he deserves a free pass.

He can verily go forth and fucketh himself.

The last couple of days I’ve started writing open letters to Trump, calling him “President-Elect Fuckwit,” but I think I need to change his nickname to “The Whining Crybaby In Chief.” Let’s examine his post-victory tweet history a bit, shall we?

Who can forget that just about a week after he won the election, Trump took to Twitter to chastise the cast of “Hamilton” for daring to politely ask Vice-President-Elect Mike Pence to remember that he and Donny were going to be representing not just white, conservative Americans, but all Americans, rich in diversity. There is no small irony at all in the fact that Trump’s Hamilton whine literally begged for theater to be a safe space, which as somoene who grew up in the theater and was called a “Drama Fag” so many times I’ve lost count, I can assure you the stage has never been meant to be.

First he petulantly demands that “Hamilton” apologize to Pence, then he demands his safe space.

Then of course there were the idiotic and wholly untrue lies he told about winning the popular vote if only we didn’t count the votes of “millions” of illegal immigrants. Of course, Trump and no one else could remotely prove these claims, because they’re patently false, but hey, who cares when you’re the Whiner in Chief right? All Don’s trying to do here is cast doubt on the legitimacy of the election, that he won no less. No big deal, right?

In the middle of his whining about losing the popular vote, he makes the hilarious claim that he’d have had an “easier time” winning the popular vote by only campaigning in three or four areas. Of course, Trump lost in most of the major population centers so he’s once again full of complete shit here, but hey, at least he’s consistently full of shit, right?

Then we have him tweeting a whiny defense of his head-scratching call with Taiwan’s president, breaking a longstanding “One China” policy the U.S. has followed for decades. Now’s a good time to remind everyone that Trump has business interests in Taiwan, too, and that Taiwanese officials have said that Trump’s shown interest in expanding operations in the country.

Let’s also not forget that he, the soon-to-be most powerful man in the free world, has also decided to spend time he could be using to prepare for that job Twitter-trolling CNN. Both trolling tweets could even be construed as whines because they’re essentially him saying, “Mommy, no fair! CNN is being mean to me!”

Or how about his whining about a New York Times interview he said he canceled because they changed the terms, but which later was confirmed that Reince Preibus had told him that, just so he’d cancel the meeting?

Or his whining about people being a little concerned about his administration being one, big, conflict of interest in which he enriches himself and his family before he takes care of the duties of the job?

Then there’s the time, just after Election Day, when Trump did an about-face on a whine about people protesting his victory within a matter of hours. First he called it unfair that they were protesting (lol)…

Then the next day he tried to seem presidential about it all. Gee, I wonder whether the fact that he’s a compulsive person means we should trust his first tweet as genuine, or his second attempt at trying too look less pathetic?

But nothing quite captures just how much a whiny baby Trump is like his incessant tweets about “Saturday Night Live” and Alec Baldwin’s impression of him on the sketch comedy show. Keep in mind, too, that literally every single president who has been elected since the show began its run in 1975 has been lampooned by it. They even made fun of Dick Nixon in the show’s first season, and he’d been out of office a couple years by then. This makes Trump’s whinging about their skewering him even more hilarious.

Honestly, I’ve never seen so much whining in my life, and I’ve got two children. Even they know that at some point you have to stop bitching and get to the task at hand. Though, I have to admit that in Trump’s case, it might be safer if he focused his idiocy on inanity instead of actually trying to govern. I mean, you can’t file for Chapter 11 as a sovereign nation, so perhaps the fewer decisions he makes, the better?

Whine on, President-Elect Fuckwit, whine on…

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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