Say what you will about Republicans — but at least they’re as consistent in their outrage as they are in their principles and values. For years they railed against the moral degradation of Bill Clinton, raging against his Oval Office oral orifice meeting with an intern. And when they got their chance to reject a man with perhaps an even more questionable sexual appetite and zeal for using his power to force women to give it to him, they elected him like any good, clean, ammo hoarding, God fearing patriot would do.

And likewise, that’s why you see them not saying anything about Trump spending most of his time as the most powerful man in the free world mentally masturbating, shouting into the metaphorical wind, and attacking every single institution that dares to try and hold him accountable, and tweeting like a madman. Because they did the same exact thing under President Barack Obama.

Oh, sure, you sticklers for historical accuracy will point that Obama never, ever, did even a scintilla of the things Trump has done, never whined in a fraction of the way Trump does, and never willfully undermined press freedom, or the rule of law for his own personal advancement. And sticklers for reality will then therefore rightly point out it’s a an apples to assholes comparison. But still..I’m totally positive that the people who lost their minds over tan suits and French sounding mustards would have simply sat back, shook their heads and said, “Well, he’s not a politician and he just tells it like he sees it.” I’m positive that’s how they’d behave if the roles were reversed.

If Obama had tweeted this about Fox News, Republicans would have ignored it, or even given him a slap on the back, I’m sure, for using social media to bypass the fake news, right?

And if Obama had gloated about the demise of an American company, Republicans would have probably tap danced, if they even noticed, you know, since they definitely didn’t try to turn every burp, fart, or cough from Obama’s mouth or asshole a national scandal, right?

If Obama had simply tweeted this, multiple times over the years that Fast & Furious, Benghazi, or anything else they investigated during his tenure, they’d have said it doesn’t mean anything, right? They would’ve said it definitely doesn’t show an obsession with the investigation, right? And if Obama kept calling an investigation that has yielded many guilty pleas and indictments — some from within Obama’s own inner circle, like his personal lawyer and campaign manager, surely Republicans would’ve turned a blind eye to it, right?

LOL to all this crazy stuff. We’re in the stupidest, most bizarre era of American history, led by a carnival barking reality-TV conman and trust fund racist. He does things that no president ever would have thought of doing before, all because he’s a banal, basic bitch moron who is supported by willfully ignorant dotards.

Lard help us.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals


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