Over the past few days, Donald “Dead Muskrat Hair” Trump has been telling anyone who will listen that President Obama founded ISIS. And Hillary Clinton is the co-founder. Of ISIS. The terrorist group actually founded by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. But hey, it’s all good, because at 11:34 AM on August 10, Trump Tweeted out:

Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?

Err, no. I am fluent in sarcasm, and this was not sarcasm. This was dog whistle politics, this was red meat to rabid Trump voters, this was so many things. It wasn’t sarcasm. Or snark. Or satire. Or a joke.
Here is an example of sarcasm:
The other day, while trying to edit an article with 6-7 windows open on my new (used from Craig’s List) Mac desktop, I somehow managed to knock a couple of pens, my cell phone, my mouse, and a tube of lip balm, on the carpet. In response to my obvious coordination, I muttered “Nice job.” That’s sarcasm.

Here is an example of snark:

B.J.H. would also like to thank the U.S. Immigration Service under the Bush administration, whose visa background security check forced her to spend two months (following an international conference) in a third country, free of routine obligations—it was during this time that the hypothesis presented herein was initially conjectured.

Here are a few examples of satire:
The Borowitz Report.
The Onion.
The Bachmann Diaries.
The Political Garbage Chute.
Finally, here is an example of a joke:
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Now, please show me, using math, how Donald “I Use Tang As A Skin Treatment” Trump saying over and over and over again that President Obama and Hillary Clinton founded ISIS is sarcasm, or snark, or satire, or a joke. I’ll wait.
<cue “Jeopardy” music>
Can’t do it, can you? There is no way in hell or on earth anyone could put all that together, and come up with “He was being sarcastic! For days on end! Everywhere he went! CNN, Hugh Hewitt, everywhere!” Let me type this all in caps for the average Trump supporter: HE WAS NOT BEING SARCASTIC.
Donald “I Love The Blacks” Trump was saying precisely what his fans believe: President Obama is a traitor. He was born in Kenya (Trump is a proud birther), he is “the other,” he is somehow less than, he supports terrorism, he arms terrorists, it goes on and on. As recently as this January, a majority of Republican voters did not believe President Obama was born in this country, and if you visit any fright right-wing social media page, you will find hundreds of terrified white people, espousing conspiracy theories about President Obama. Why do you think Trump has started using Obama’s middle name?
It wasn’t sarcasm, Donald. You don’t know how to be sarcastic. All you know how to do is blow that dog whistle while, amazingly at the same time, blowing smoke up your followers’ collective asses. Oh, you’ll fix the economy, but you don’t have any details. You’ll solve all our problems with trade, but you don’t have any details. You’ll “destroy” ISIS, but you don’t have any details. You’re a con man, plain and simple, and you’ve discovered the only way to guarantee your “marks” remain interested in your product is to keep them terrified and full of hate.
Donald “I’d Date My Daughter” Trump wouldn’t know sarcasm if it wandered up and bit him on one of his tiny hands. He got caught, again, using hate and paranoia to sell his brand. That’s all this is, kids. He’s not running for president because he wants the responsibility of being president; he’s running to improve his brand.
Trump neckties will sell for a lot more on Ebay if, on November 8, we all say “Hola!” to President Donald Trump.


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