A dirty-blonde, curly-headed lawyer with his white button-down shirt clinging to his tanned, sweaty chest stood up in the courtroom and in his sultry Southern drawl cross-examined Mississippi Jesus while the segregated spectators fanned themselves in the oppressive heat.
“Alright, Alright, Alright, Master, exactly what is it all us folks have to do to get this eternal life of which you speak so often?”
Mississippi Jesus replied, “Well, son, what does the law say? Are you even literate?”
The lawyer answered, “It says I should love the Lord with all my heart and soul, and love my neighbor as I love myself.”
Mississippi Jesus was impressed, and congratulated him on getting this answer correct. But the attorney wasn’t quite done, and challenged Mississippi Jesus on the finer point of the law. “Just who counts as my neighbor? Is it everyone, or just my Christian brothers and sisters?”
“Lemme tell you a story, Sonny Boy. A dude drove down the highway and had a wreck. His white F-350 flipped three times and landed upside down in the ditch. A Baptist minister passed right on by, anxious to make it to the church potluck. Right behind him was a deacon, but he had the church financial minutes to tend to. Finally, though, a baker stopped. He rushed over to the scene, saw the man was severely hurt, and slid down into the ditch to see to him. Just as he was about to…”
“Objection your honor!” The self-righteous Governor interrupted, and jumped out of his seat. “On behalf of the moral majority of this fine state, I must ask. What if this man is gay or some floozy in the vehicle is having sex out of wedlock?”

“Well…The law does not compel anyone to help,” The judge responded thoughtfully.
MS Jesus said, “But we must protect good Christian folk from even the chance of being persecuted. I cannot have my children sullying themselves by comingling with people of questionable character when theirs is so perfect. Go forth and call the American Family Association, Mat Staver, and The Liberty Council, and have them draft a law. From here forth, I command you to ask detailed questions before helping the downtrodden about their sexual activities to assure you keep yourselves pure.”
The judge shook his head. Again he tried to remind everyone that a law was not necessary. But the Governor saw an opportunity to gain favor in his state, while convincing his sheeple they were better than everyone else. This would even allow this thrice-divorced brother to feel extra self-righteous!
So he rose up and announced, “Make a law to make it our business what everyone does in their bedroom!” because that’s what MS Jesus would do.


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