General Mike Flynn is now officially out as Donald Trump’s National Security Adviser. I haven’t done the research, but I’m fairly certain this is the shortest tenure of anyone to ever hold that position previously. The question now becomes what Trump knew and when he knew it. If the sub-president in any way directed Flynn to communicate with Russia before the official transfer of power, we’re looking at impeachment, should the Republicans in Congress decide to put country before party for once.

I’m not holding my breath there.

But one thing is for sure — Flynn needs a new job. And I put this list together for him. They’re jobs someone with his unique skills and qualifications would do well in, at least according to my humble opinion.

#5. An English Teacher…In Russia

We already know he loves Russia and their president quite a little bit. We already know there can’t be that much a language barrier between Flynn and the Russians since he was speaking to them about sanctions back in December. So why not leverage all that into a new position teaching English to Russian students? What a win-win!

#4. Nesting Doll Wholesale Distributor

Maybe teaching isn’t Mike’s thing. But he really should use his extensive knowledge of Russia and Russian culture in his new gig, don’t you think? His experience helping to ram Vladimir Putin as far up Trump’s ass as possible would certainly come in handy if he were to get a job as a nesting doll wholesaler. Again, I can’t see this as anything but a net positive for Comrade Flynn. It totally takes the sting of resigning in utter shame and disgrace away, doesn’t it? No? Oh well.

#3. Russian Intelligence Agent

Oh. Wait. We were going for NEW jobs Flynn hasn’t already had before. My bad. Moving along.

#2. Wal-Mart Greeter

Wal-Mart is always hiring.

#1 Orangutan Enclosure Maintenance At The Moscow Zoo

All I’m trying to do is help Flynn find jobs where he doesn’t have to make too big a transition from what he was doing before. I have to imagine that everyone who works for Donny Douchebag must have to come in behind him and clean up the shit he leaves so often they already feel like a zookeeper. So, I figure if Flynn moves to Russia to handle the orangutans in their Moscow zoo, it’s going to be a much shorter learning curve for him in the long run.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.



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