Oh, LOLklohoma where the derp comes sweeping down the plain…

SB 1552 is a bill that just rocketed through the overwhelmingly Republican state legislature in the Sooner State of Oklahoma. The bill, which will hit Republican Governor Mary Fallin’s desk very soon, would effectively end abortion in the state. Yes, you read it right — Oklahoma Republicans have found a way (they think) to stop abortions cold. How?

By making it illegal to perform an abortion for anything other than a miscarriage or to save the fetus, and by stripping any doctor who performs an abortion for any other reason of their medical license.

That means, if you’re paying attention, that both rape victims and mothers whose lives are threatened by their pregnancy cannot seek to end their pregnancies. And yes, there are criminal penalties attached to SB 1552, thereby making a doctor who helps a victim of rape or incest get rid of her rape baby a felon.

Can you see why I said the derp’s sweeping down the plain now?

What’s really galling is conservative self-imposed ignorance on what actually prevents abortions in the first place — access to contraceptives and sex ed. Colorado conclusively proved this with a pilot program in their state not that long ago, but to listen to conservatives, if we talk about sex with people they’re just inclined to immediately to go out fuckin’ the night away without any regard for the consequences. Again, that’s patently absurd when you consider that what we liberals are trying to impart to people is knowledge of the safest and most cautious ways to have sex not intended for procreation, but hey, intellectual honesty isn’t always in play no matter what the issue.

Oklahoma Republicans have said, “Fuck Rape Victims.”

I know that social conservatives scoff at the rape victim angle, but that’s because they’re being shortsighted. In their mind, since a relatively minor percentage of abortions are performed due to rape or incest, that means it’s either a) a liberal, made-up Boogey man, or b) it’s just not as important as the MILLIONS OF DED BEBBES that will not be born because these evil women are controlling their own destinies and lives.

What bunk.

For starters, rape and incest are not nearly reported as often as they are perpetrated. We have genuinely no clue how many abortions are performed because of rape or incest and how many aren’t. If we can’t get a true handle on how many women are raped in a given year, how can we ever get a handle on the number of rape-related abortions? Again, it’s shortsighted and silly of social conservatives, but then again, they often argue that since millions of Americans aren’t killed by guns every year, we have no reason to pass new gun laws, so statistics and conservatives have an odd relationship from time to time.

But if you’re looking for a conservative argument against this stupid bill, you don’t have to try too hard.

If signed by Fallin into law, I can promise you that several liberal groups, if not the Department of Justice itself, will file suit. The law will be suspended while it’s under review, and even if it wins in lower courts, you will eventually see the law being argued in before the Supreme Court. It will cost the state millions and millions of dollars to defend their ideological crusade against female sexual autonomy. And all that money will be wasted unless the Republicans pull off a major upset and win the White House in November, opening up a window through which they can cram a replacement for the thankfully deceased Justice Scalia.

There is nothing fiscally responsible about plunging your broke-ass state into further economic peril over something you know you can’t win, and lost decades ago. But then again, the culture war is pretty much the only thing social conservatives care about, so why should they care if the government they hate so much wastes their tax dollars they hate so much attacking a constitutional right they misunderstand so completely?



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