ken hamI am terrible at Science. I’m obviously not as bad at it as Ken Ham, but I’m not great. I think my main advantage is that I KNOW I’m not an expert, so I defer to Real Scientists and others who have demonstrated a greater capacity for the subject. That is why, when it comes to the complex matters of evolution versus Creationism, when I am unable to get Dr. Tyson or Bill Nye on the phone, I turn to my fifth grader. Honestly, Lil Webb has an aptitude for this stuff she obviously inherited from her father.
Besides, it’s summer, and I needed to entertain her while simultaneously pretending to be an excellent mother. How better to do that than with my favorite form of giggle-therapy? I introduced her to Ken Ham and the Ark Encounter. Within two minutes, Lil Webb cackles started, and the questions and smart-ass fifth-grader comments began. So is Ken Ham smarter than my fifth grader?

Thoughts from Lil Webb:

Momma, what’s wrong with the eight percent of people who agree with Ken Ham over Bill Nye? Bill Nye is an actual scientist.
From a science point of view, it’s crazy to think the earth is only 6,000 years old. There are trees older than that.
I don’t understand the money from the government. This is his property. If he wants to build a big ark, and it takes a long time…the government could have used this money for education, or healthcare…instead this is a Bible Museum, a museum about mythical stories and metaphors.
This place doesn’t depend on science and facts. If they are trying to teach kids about science, well, this place is just creepy. They aren’t relying on the basic foundations of science. Instead, they are teaching kids stuff that was made up and telling them, “This is science. There was a guy, and he made a boat. It was physically impossible to survive this storm, but he did it anyway.” And that’s science. Wooden boats can survive these ginormous storms, and three people from BACK IN YE OLDE DAYS…well, how can they even build a boat this big?
Ken Ham is using a ton of people and fancy equipment, that costs a ton of money. In the Bible, they had some hammers and wood. That doesn’t make any sense, and it doesn’t help his case at all. If he wanted to prove something, why doesn’t he build it all with a few nails and a few trees, see how that turns out?
I’ll have to get back to you on the evolving from monkeys thing. I know they make fun of us by saying things like, “If we come from monkeys, why are there still monkeys, and why aren’t we still evolving?” Well, I know we share DNA, and there are similarities, but what are the chances this is all just a coincidence? There aren’t any traces of human life…crap, Mom, I’m not Dr. Tyson. But there are so many more papers out there on evolution than Creationism. Evolution is everywhere. Creationism is just in church. What do you call that? (Peer reviewed, Lil Webb. Go look that one up!)

Unfortunately, my fifth grader is the exception rather than the rule. But I think she’s already kicked Ken Ham’s ass.
If only I could figure out a way to explain how Kentucky could give an $18.5 million tax incentive without violating the Separation of Church and State…or if Lil Webb could ‘splain it to me, THEN perhaps to the State of Kentucky?


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