I’m tired of being afraid of a fucking B-grade reality TV attention whore, and so from this point forward, I’m not going to be afraid of Trump anymore. I refuse to be bullied.

The thought occurred to me in the shower today — and you are very welcome for that mental image — that I could come up with a pretty good conspiracy theory about Trump.

Keep in mind that I don’t actually believe this, truly I don’t. I’m not like pretending to deny it so I don’t sound crazy later. I don’t believe this is true, but that being said, the theory I cooked-up in my head plays on the theory that a lot of other people floated last year when he entered the race. The theory goes: he’s a plant.

Let’s just say for the sake of fun that he was convinced by the Clintons to enter the race, play the part of the Heel to its absolute zenith. He could then clear the GOP field so that it would be he and Hillary — a woman who was his “friend” up until she knew she believed she was going to have to beat him in the General Election — in November.

It makes sense, this dumb little theory, because look at how many scared Democratic voters are losing their damn minds over a Trump presidency. It’s why we keep being told we have to abandon all hope of a Sanders victory, after all. What happens if Trump is elected, they ask us. Can we stomach four years of Trump? And what if something happens to a liberal justice on the high court?

What if Trump gets to pick Scalia’s replacement?

All of this stuff is good to think about, but it completely and utterly ignores the last eight years. It pretends as if we haven’t watched Congress block a president’s agenda, and that was when just half of them didn’t like the agenda. This is why I am not going to let the establishment get their way without a fight. This primary season isn’t over, and there are a lot of people whose voices haven’t been heard yet.

Imagine feeling good about congressional obstruction. Because that’s exactly what would happen if The Donald were elected. I’m not saying a Trump presidency is good for the country. It would be terrible. He’s a trust fund baby, shitty businessman, and a star of a terrible reality-TV show. He doesn’t belong in the White House, but he’s an idiot that no one else in government would take seriously.

People have forgotten one of the most lasting and important aspects of our government — checks and balances. I’ve written about it recently, but my frustration with Democrats right now is that they have no faith in the system working. None of us were thrilled that instead of fixing it, the Republicans spent millions fake-repealing Obamacare more than 50 times. But if all hell breaks loose and that bewigged, bombastic bastard gets elected, that is exactly how the Democrats — and perhaps many Republicans — will behave, and that’s a good thing.

Obstruction, ironically enough, should be all the reason Democratic primary voters need to be willing to take a risk on a self-described socialist (who’s really just an FDR capitalist).

I’m not going to encourage anyone to “Vote Blue no matter who” anymore

Not that if we end up with Hillary that it’s worse than Trump. it’s not. It’s better. It’s just not better in all the ways we want it to be. It cracks me up that a lot of people who went in for the “hope and change” line are wanting to vote for a woman who literally represents no change. Except a vagina in the Oval Office’s biggest chair. Which is great.

But Sarah Palin has one of those too.

I’m not afraid of his stupid fucking followers either. These are the slack-jawed, willfully ignorant, hateful, bigoted shit heads we have been pushing into the corners of society for about a hundred years. In bygone eras they would have been fighting against women’s suffrage, ending slavery, and abolishing Jim Crow. They are the stridently ignorant, and yes they have shown a propensity for violence, but I will not be forced to vote for anyone just because I’m afraid of violent assholes. We have cops and law and order in this country for a reason — so as not to be intimidated by violent dickbags.

We call that shit terrorism for a reason, folks.

Vote for you who want to vote for. But don’t make a decision based on an irrational fear of something that Trump literally could not pull off without the direct help of many other people in our government. If they do, we’re kinda fucked anyway, aren’t we? So hold the line. Put a little faith in the system that has prevented a run-away fascist dictator for about 230 years. Let the checks and balances do what they’re supposed to do.

You might just be able to vote with a clear conscious if you stop letting violent, ignorant dipshits scare you into pulling the “more of the same” lever.


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