VagendaFor as long as there have been men on the internet, there have been brave keyboard warriors, convinced women are trying to kill them, slaughter them, or otherwise remove them from the planet. And now, finally, those men have proof. Those men have discovered Hillary’s Vagenda of Manocide.
Obviously, a Vagenda is an agenda written, or compiled, or created, by a vagina. Which is awesome, because women had no idea we could do that. We knew our vaginas could push out a baby, or bleed (just ask Donald Trump), or be used as a vessel for sexual pleasure, and some women can even shoot ping pong balls out of theirs, but none of us knew we could write with them. Can a vagina create a Power Point presentation? A spreadsheet? The possibilities are endless.
But what, exactly, is a Vagenda of Manocide? Well, when you put “cide” at the end of something, it usually means death. So, Hillary Clinton wants to kill all men, using vaginas. This might be difficult, given that vaginas are attached to women’s bodies, and we can’t really remove them, arm them, and use them as weapons. Or maybe we can. Not remove them, but perhaps we can genetically modify them. You know – make Frankenginas.

Get Monsatan on board, maybe Big Pharma, rent some lab space in a warehouse frequented by mad scientists, and bam: VaginaGuns™. Or implant sharp teeth on the vaginal wall. Instead of ping pong balls, teach women to shoot lawn darts, or small canisters of saltpeter.
Now that men have figured out the Vagenda, we might need to change it. Instead of Manocide, make it about Manscaping. Force men to get mani-pedis, wax their backs, give them facials, and they have to wear Spanx. Or we could create a charity to help men deal with the trauma of having to deal with women. Call it “The Vagenda Group for Marginalized Men.” There aren’t really marginalized men, at least because of women, but many men think they are, and that’s enough.
As the creators of the Vagenda of Manocide, we women must show empathy towards the men who believe there is actually a Vagenda of Manocide. We must be patient as we reeducate those men, in camps, with ABBA and Heart blaring on the loudspeakers, 24/7. We must take these sad, misogynistic, sexist jagoffs, and turn them into loving, caring, intelligent members of society. Men who, when they see an attractive woman in a restaurant, or on a bus, or in the mall, or in the grocery store, or at work, or in line at the DMV, say to themselves “I wonder if she reads Camus?”, rather than “I bet she gives great head.”
We’ve been ignoring the Manocide part of the Vagenda, because it’s stupid. So is the Vagenda, but that’s super fun to say. And type. It should be on a tee shirt, if it isn’t already. We need membership cards, and a secret handshake, so we can identify ourselves to other Vagenda of Manocide supporters. We have to get companies, and women’s groups, on board. Maybe Free Abortion Tuesday at Planned Parenthood’s Abortionplex. Mojito Monday, sponsored by The League of Women Voters.
Hillary Clinton has a Vagenda, compiled and created by vaginas. This Vagenda is all about Manocide, or possibly Manscaping. Women are, at this very moment, being retrofitted with the latest Vagina Technology. We are weaponizing our vaginas, ready to commit Manocide at a moment’s notice.
Unless that call to arms (vaginas?) comes on Free Abortion Tuesday. Then we’ll need to reschedule.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.