Here Is What I Find Hilarious About Bernie Bots AND Hillary Hawks

Both Bernie and Hillary have fanatics in their supporters that threaten to do serious damage in the general.

You’re all the fucking same.

All of you. You don’t realize it. But you’re all the same. You’re all dead convinced that if the Democrats don’t win the White House in the fall it’s the other sycophants’ faults. You know, like sycophants do. Don’t believe me? Check this out.

My God is the one true God and if you don’t follow him and do as He says bad things will happen to all of us!”

Bernie is the one good candidate you should vote for and we should follow everything he says and if we don’t bad things will happen to all of us!”

Hillary is the only choice for us and we should all vote for her and do everything she proposes and if we don’t bad things will happen to all of us!”

All three of those sentences mean pretty much the same thing: Like who I like or you’re what’s wrong with everything.

Bernie and Hillary both are human beings. I’m not sure their die hard fans understand that, but it’s important to remember because it means there is almost a statistical certainty that either will disappoint you, no matter who wins.

Why?

That aforementioned human thing, that’s why. Abe Lincoln is widely considered the “best” president we’ve ever had and that dude freed some slaves as a political and wartime tactic and had serious considerations of shipping them all back to Africa when the war was over…even the ones born here.

Every president has things that suck about them.

FDR commissioned the atom bomb and interned Japanese Americans. Kennedy has his Bay of Pigs and helped push us into Vietnam. If we all can agree that to err is human, maybe you all can stop pretending as if supporting Person H or Person B in the fucking primaries is going to cause problems for your party in the general election later.


That only happens if you idiots make good on your threats not to vote for the other person in November. Then, and only then should you blame someone who supported the other candidate, because until then, this is actually what primaries are supposed to be about — a debate over who should get nominated.

Bernie has vacillated on guns and people are afraid the economics of his plan don’t add up. Hillary is as in the bag for the banks as her husband was, and as great as a president as Billy was, he repealed Glass Steagall and has had Wall Street all up in his cooch since he left the White House (Gee, it’s almost like the two things are related somehow…). Why the shit can’t both sides recognize that the other candidate is both good and bad like all humans and get over it?

If you don’t all get over it, the Republicans will win. And honestly, people like me will be pissed, but we’ll also probably laugh a tiny bit at all of you. Because you will have taken a golden opportunity to flush the GOP down the toilets of time, and you will have inner-squabble-fucked yourself into oblivion.

Is this me making a “lesser of two evils” pitch? Fuck no. I have the person in mind I want in November to vote for, but I also know an entire party’s worth of candidates that don’t have my vote no matter what. I’m not even a Democrat. I’m just not going to hand my country over to neo-segregationist assholes. My only point is that since nothing is perfect, no system is perfect, and no candidate is perfect. But just do the math, everyone.

All three branches of government could be controlled by the people who think climate change is a punchline, rape has different flavors like Kool-Aid, and Supply Side economics is good for the middle class. They are the party that panders to Birchers, Birthers, racists, homophobes, Xenophobes and people so silly and selfish they hate social welfare programs despite the fact that they spend twice as much annually on the corporate kind. That is a nightmare scenario that is very, very real if either the Bernie Bots or the Hillary Hawks throw a tantrum and don’t vote.

Look at 2014 hard, Democrats. If either of the sycophantic class of voters who are trying to out-nauseate the rest of us pitch their fit and abandon the rest of us sane voters, it’ll be 2014. A bloodbath that will make conservatives believe they are really the majority when in point of fact it was just that two groups of people who generally agree on most everything decided to get into a pissing contest over which person that would ultimately disappoint them on some level should get the other fucking person’s vote.

Remember this: Either Bernie or Hillary would be better than the alternative. I don’t care how cynical that sounds. Sometimes cynical, practical, and truthful all collide, and this is one of those times.

More from James Schlarmann

Orange Man Who Pushed Racist Lie For Years Now Upset He May Be Victim Of Fake News

If anyone knows about what's real and what's fake news, it's the...
Read More

1 Comment

  • Wake up dumb dumb Hillary is no progressive, liberal, hell she’s not even moderate as she brags. She’s republic lite and isn’t far different than Reagan.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.