Basically, in a nutshell, anti-vaxxers pose a far greater threat to the continued existence of humankind than anything or anyone else. We should stop calling them “Anti-Vaxxers” and start calling them what they really are — “Pro-Plague.”

If you are against vaccinating your child, you are declaring to the world that you would rather help bring back a plague that has been long dormant thanks only and entirely to vaccination because you chose to believe some bullshit. I don’t even want to call it “debunked science” because that lends that load of absolute scientific codswallop you stuffed into your brain way more credibility than it deserves. But seriously, anti-vaxxers are not “anti-vaccine” they are “pro-plague” because that, to them, is preferable to the idea of their kid “catching” autism.

Because you know, autism is transmitted through things like kissing, sharing toilet seats, and getting vaccinated against diseases that could have wiped us all out except they didn’t because some kick-ass motherfucker in a lab coat put in the time to figure out how to make that un-happen. Oh wait. No, I’m sorry. Autism is that disease that only effects the gays and that’s why Ronnie didn’t have to acknowledge it right away right? Nope, sorry again, I remember now. Autism is nothing like any of those things — it’s not something you contract. Goddamn science and its insistence on peer-reviewed findings.

The science on this is so simple, even a conservative should be able to understand it. Vaccination does not cause autism. Seriously. It’s that simple. No matter who is telling you it has been proven, they are lying to you. Or they are lying to you unknowingly, but either way, they are giving you information that is dead wrong. The question you have to ask yourself is whether you think risking mass extinction is worth the risk that doesn’t exist. If you answer “it is,” pleas find the nearest “fuck yourself” and crawl up inside it.

So should parents have the right to not vaccinate their children? I don’t know. Should parents have the right to starve their child if they read on a Facebook post somewhere that food causes autism? Should we let parents force their kids to play in the middle of the freeway if some dipshit debunked scientist claims that’s the only way to ward off autism?

If you ask idiots like New Jersey Christ Christie, the answer — at least to the vaccination question — is “Yes.”

Apparently being conservative in this country now also means being completely and utterly stupid on the subject of infectious disease. The simple reality in all of this is that the number one threat to human existence is disease. Well, Young Earthers are trying to make climate change the number one threat, but it’s still just good old fashioned viruses and bacteria that threaten to kill us most easily, and it’s easy to see why and how if you live in a world where people are being encouraged to listen to pseudoscience if they “feel” that’s what right, no matter how much the overwhelming preponderance of both peer-reviewed scientific data and simple, plain common sense anecdotal observation tells us not to listen to the quacks.

If you combine the blind stupidity of anti-vaxxers with political rhetoric to the effect of, “Hey, don’t vaccinate your kids if you don’t want to, this is ‘murica and we don’t need no governments tellin’ us how best to keep our kids safe from polio and smallpox,” you get the Disneyland measles outbreak. Oh, and by the way, the CDC is totally freaking the fuck out about measles right now. Ebola? It didn’t scare them nearly as much as measles.

At this point, more people have been infected with measles from the Disneyland outbreak than died from terrorist attacks on American soil since 9/11.

I don'[t know that I support locking up parents who don’t vaccinate, even though I absolutely consider it abuse of the child. To me, it’s just one or two more bodies in a jail cell reaping profit for the penal industrial complex — not to be confused with the penile industrial complex that the National Rifle Association represents — and that’s pointless to me. I think a better punishment would be to teach the idiotic parents who don’t vaccinate how to administer a vaccination and make them vaccinate children for 8 or 12 hours a day for a few months or years. That’s a punishment suiting the crime, if you ask me. But without a doubt, not vaccinating your children should not be tolerated if there isn’t an actual allergy issue with a vaccine, which is also pretty statistically rare, but the existence of vaccine-allergic people only further entrenches the need for everyone else to be vaccinated.

What I do fully support though is a push to make vaccination an absolute requirement for attending public school. Religious views be damned — the right to practice your religion does not extend to exposing the whole of humanity to the Bubonic Plague. If you think it does, again, I refer you to your local “go fuck yourself” office, where you should avail yourself of their services forthwith. I saw a petition floating around my Facebook friends here in California demanding that such a rule be put in place, and I fully intend to sign the living hell of out of it. I have zero problem paying taxes to educate kids, but I draw the line at exposing them to deadly diseases because some moron read some other moron’s rantings on Facebook and believed it.

Are anti-vaxxers the worst human beings on the planet? No, not unless Dick Cheney and Donny Rumsfeld are also anti-vaxxers. Do I think anti-vaxxers being morons means they are irredeemable and shitty people? Of course not. But they are morons. Absolutely and utterly moronic. I come to that conclusion pretty easily. If you feel that a risk of your child “catching” Autism is worth putting every single person on this planet at risk of dying, you are a moron. There is literally nothing more moronic than that. Even if you truly believe what’s not true — that autism is caused in rare cases by vaccines — that’s still not a valid reason to not inoculate your children.

It’s a valid reason to do more research and hopefully find any number of the thousands of articles that debunk the bullshit, and that’s it.


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