Hi Republicans,

Can you, um, answer a question for me? I think it’s a pretty easy question for you to answer, if I’m being honest. After all, you’ve already answered it, last year, when you decided that even though Donald Trump is a rich, out of touch, spoiled, rude, arrogant, douchebag-fuckface-oligrach-moron that he should get to pick Justice Scalia’s replacement on the Supreme Court bench instead of Hillary Clinton. Because, among other things, you all thought she should be “locked up” because she had an open FBI investigation into her email server she used as Secretary of State. So really, this should be a very simple to question to ansswer; ready?

Nobody with an open FBI investigation should get to appoint Supreme Court Justices, right?

I mean, that’s what a whole lot of people in your party were telling us in 2015 and 2016. Guys like Sean Spicer, you might have heard of him? He’s the tongue-tied little imp who is your Press Secretary right now. He actually tweeted some shade at Hillary Clinton over the FBI’s probe into her email server.

Then there’s the current White House Chief of Staff, Reince Priebus, who said that “Clinton’s conduct was a severe error in judgment that grossly endangered” Americans. In fact, as your favorite propaganda arm, Fox News, reported last year, Reince said the FBI probe was reason enough to disqualify Hillary as president.

“This development is another reminder Hillary Clinton cannot be trusted with the presidency.” (source)

Senator Marco Rubio seemed to be really proud of being a Republican during the primaries when he said this:

“At a minimum I can say this: None of them is a socialist. None of our candidates is under FBI investigation.” (source)

KellyAnne Conway took time away from keeping crypts to tweet this about how honest people under FBI investigation are.

It seems Ms. Conway believed at one point that being under FBI investigation was cause for concern. Now? Well, they haven’t thrown her up on Fox and Friends this week yet, so maybe she’ll surprise the shit out of me and say she agrees with what Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said about Neil Gorsuch’s confirmation yesterday.

If you ask me, and I’m sure you Republicans would agree, Schumer’s got a point here. After all, we know that if Hillary Clinton’s staffers had ties to Russia, and it was believed by the U.S. intelligence community that Russia had tried to help her win, and if Clinton’s staffers kept lying about communicating with Russia, and if the FBI Director came out and said his bureau had an open investigation into Hillary Clinton’s campaign, you all would be shouting from the rooftops to halt the confirmation proceedings until the probe was completed.

Honestly, if people like Ted Cruz truly believed last year that the vacancy on the bench is tolerable, then what’s the harm in waiting to confirm Gorsuch? Shouldn’t the American people all have the confidence that if they don’t like the man being confirmed, at least he was put there by someone we can trust isn’t putting another country’s interest before our own? Don’t we all deserve that piece of mind?

So, I’m just going to sit back, light myself a doobie, and wait for the flood of Republican voters, pundits, and politicians to come to the fore and demand that Gorsuch’s confirmation be halted. Otherwise, we’d have no other option than to think you’re all a bunch of hypocrites…but that’s impossible! That’d be like one of your most staunchly anti-LGBT “family values” getting caught with a little boy in a hotel room and being brought up on child prostitution charges.

Oklahoma state senator charged in child prostitution case

Child prostitution charges were filed Thursday against an Oklahoma state senator who police say was found with a teenage boy in a motel room in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, according to a local prosecutor. Republican Sen.

Oh. Wait.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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