A fucking military parade, Donald? Really?

At a time when we have rampant PTSD, suicide, homelessness, and lack of expedient medical care for the military service members in this country, your idea is…

A fucking military parade?

A big, fat, “Yay Donny!” parade starring our most-expensive-in-the-goddamned-world military. Yeah. That sounds like a truly Republican use of government spending, does it not? Does it not perfectly sum up their small government approach to leadership? Is it not the pluperfect example of fiscal responsibility to spend millions of dollars whipping our dicks out for the whole world?

Of course it does.

You know, perhaps all the “Trump is Literal Hitler” rhetoric was too hyperbolic. But then again…

And then there’s…

Buuuuuuuuuuut, something tells me this might have been more inspiring to you.

Look, I don’t want to waste a lot of time and “ink” on this subject. Because it’s pretty obvious from even a cursory investigation of the whole notion of military parades that they’re the tools of autocrats. This isn’t some “Yay! We Defeated Nazis!” parade being held after World War II. This isn’t some parade of tanks cruising through Austrian and Polish streets after liberating death camps. What Trump wants is a full blown despotic show of military might, and in his honor.

So for me to go over and over and over the myriad examples of authoritarian dictators holding military parades in their honor, to make themselves feel like, big, bad bullies on the world stage — is probably redundant for most people reading it. The truth is that these kinds of vulgar displays have been long considered beneath the U.S., as a country, on both sides of the aisle. When George W. Bush was lying his ass off and getting us into the Iraq War, even he didn’t resort to goddamned military parades. It was bad enough he pulled that truly ironic shit show of a stunt with the aircraft carrier and the “Mission Accomplished” banner that will forever serve as a reminder of just how stupid and insane that administration was, but even Dubya didn’t throw himself a military parade.

Hell, even Reagan didn’t do this kind of stuff. He had no problem wagging his dog, and he had no issues bragging about our military’s power, but he never directed the Pentagon to hold a parade down the middle of fucking Pennsylvania Avenue for him. As much as I hate Reagan, even I can’t imagine him stooping to such low grade theatrics.

I mean, shit, the whole goddamned world knows we have the largest military ever. How could they not? We’ve spent the last century or so traipsing all over the world, hiding under the auspices of spreading democracy far and wide, using the exact military Trump seems to think we need to deploy for fanfare, pomp, and unnecessary circumstance.

The idea of a president with approval ratings below 40% ordering our military to waste this kind of money — money that Republicans swear up and down we don’t have to spend on literally anything that helps poor or middle class Americans — is the stuff of sketch comedy. I should know. I’ve written sketch comedy for the last 20 years of my life, and it’s the kind of premise you think is so outlandish it’s comical. Yet, where we are, a craven display of cynical political theatrics, and for what, exactly?

To prop up an egomaniac money laundering asshole’s ego. That’s what.

So yeah, fuck some military parades. That’s as un-American as you can get it. Ticker tape parades aren’t the same as “Hey, check out our huge cock” parades. I remember when no one in any political party would propose such amateur bullshit. But alas, the times they are a-bein’ grabbed by the pussy, aren’t they?


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