Wow. Someone needs to revive Ted Cruz and when they get him awake ask him how Donald Trump’s foot tasted by way of his asshole.

This fight between Trump and Cruz is getting crazy-good. Or is it crazy, good? Or crazy/good? I think the point is that it’s fucking crazy. It hit a new level today because the National Enquirer published a story about Cruz having an allegedly wandering dick. Ted Cruz responded to the story by blaming Donald Trump for planting it.

The best part is that we have no idea if Donald did plant the story or not. He most very likely did. But does anyone else find just a tiny bit of delicious irony in the guy who was playing dirty tricks on a special needs neurosurgeon could be the victim some truly dirty mudslinging by the party’s newest and boldest troll ever?

I have no idea whether or not the cover story about Ted Cruz in this week’s issue of the National Enquirer is true or not, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it, did not know about it, and have not, as yet, read it. I have nothing to do with the National Enquirer and unlike Lyin’ Ted Cruz I do not surround myself with political hacks and henchman (sic) and then pretend total innocence.

Ted Cruz’s problem with the National Enquirer is his and his alone, and while they were right about O.J. Simpson, John Edwards, and many others, I certainly hope they are not right about Lyin’ Ted Cruz. (source)

Holy. Fucking. Shit. That was a lesson in trollery that some of the best trolls on Facebook couldn’t match. It was an absolute shining example of carnival barkerism that Trump has perfected. It’s also surgically-targeted snark and sarcasm that I’m sure smarted when Ted read it. That last line is about as close to a mic drop as you can get in a press release about a tabloid rag roasting your opponent. I hate that I have to admire it on some level, but I can’t lie; I was laughing by the end of it.

That doesn’t change the fact that Donald Trump is most certainly a sociopath and demonstrably he’s quite the asshole. But he’s just reallllly good at it. He’s entertaining as shit. Because he goes there. This isn’t a presidential quality, but it’s a quasi-admirable one because everyone hates the pious, hypocritical preacher character Ted Cruz plays. I genuinely don’t understand what anyone sees as worthy of the White House in Trump whole’s shtick but these kinds of exchanges with “Lyin’ Ted Cruz” are pretty funny.

Then again, they’re bullying as fuck, aren’t they? He’s hammering down on Cruz when he knows Ted’s in a place of weakness. Many have noted that Trump is coming off as a Silvio Berlusconi wannabe. and yeah, I’d say that label fits pretty perfectly. I can’t be the only who envisions drunken insanity happening in the White House if he wins, can I? I just pray it’s caught on someone’s smart phone and broadcast on YouTube.

Donald Trump is a horrible person. There’s no denying that. Petty squabbles and insults are most definitely fun to watch, especially when the Republicans get so apoplectic when they have to defend him, but SPOILER ALERT: Donald Trump would be a horrible fucking president.

So let’s not elect him, America, okay? Okay.





Oh…we’re fucked.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.