NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Donald J. Trump, relaxing on a day off from the campaign trail in the wake of his big win in the Arizona Republican Primary, told reporters that Sarah Palin would “make a kick-ass judge broad” on the Supreme Court’s bench, and that in his estimation Palin’s new courtroom TV show “yoogely qualifies” her to fill the seat left vacant by the death of Justice Antonin Scalia.
“I’ve been watching courtroom TV shows a very, very long time,” Trump told reporters, “in fact I’d say no one in the history of the world has ever watched more court room TV reality shows than me. I’ve seen Judge Whopper, Judge Jewish, and that one court show hosted by the boxing referee for some reason. I’ve friggin’ seen them all. And I know for a fact Sarah’s yooge winner and will be yoogely successful at it. So yeah, I’d say her new job yoogely qualifies her to be a justice on our highest court. Why not?”
Mr. Trump said Ms. Palin’s lack of law degree not only doesn’t raise any concerns for him, it’s a “yooge friggin’ selling point” for Palin’s residency on the Supreme Court bench, in his estimation.
“What else would you call someone who has never finished a big job, who doesn’t have a law degree and still ends up on the Supreme Court besides a winner,” Trump asked rhetorically. He continued, “And I’ll tell you what. People are angry. They want a country, and a court for the country. Lots of people have told me that they’d love to have someone deciding tough and nuanced cases who can’t spell the words ‘tough,’ or ‘nuanced,’ or even ‘Supreme Court’ for that matter.”
Trump is currently the Republican primary, and he says that proves “Americans are ready to demand that vapid, D-Level celebrities hold all kinds of offices of high import.” He said he was not only considering Palin for a Supreme Court seat, but he is also looking into giving several cast members from “The Real World” and “Jersey Shore” a cabinet position or a similar post in his administration.
“I’d love for Snooki to be Secretary of Being DTF,” Trump said, “and I think that’s a very current and hip reference to make, so don’t think anything of it, okay readers,” Trump asked as if he was part of a satirical news piece that was being read by someone not in the room at the time. The reporters looked at each other with a puzzled look, but Trump soldiered on. “I will hire anyone and everyone I want to, for any job I want them to do, regardless of their expertise or qualifications, it’s just the Trump way,” he told reporters.
With Arizona primary win, Trump pushed his campaign ever closer to the majority delegate count he must have in order to secure the Republican nomination outright, avoiding a brokered convention. Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment, but her handlers said in a statement she could “see the Supreme Court from her front porch,” so she feels “immensely touched” that Trump is considering her.