We all know Donald Trump lies, because he does it in much the same way as you or I breathe oxygen. We also know that by extension, his press secretary is also a liar. Of the six statements Sarah Huckabee Sanders has made that PolitiFact did a fact-check on, only one of them was rated as true. The others were false, and one was a pants on fire lie about gun crime in Chicago. If you deny that Trump and his cohorts are the biggest liars to sit in the White House, the rest of us can pretty much presume that have a career mining Trump’s rectum for gold, because only someone so far up that bloated, mendacious moron’s asshole could have such a warped and unreal perspective on things.
Today, Tubby McFuckface gave us one more reason to loathe the Smoky Eyed Simpleton: she’s a coward just like her boss. Not that we needed the Liar in Chief to tweet this to know that Sarah is a scared little kid who doesn’t want to face a room full of adults with tough questions, but Trump confirmed what we’d already suspected was true — he gave her permission to halt the press briefings because of her fragile ego and inability to lie without consequence.
It’s fascinating to me how much the Republican Party has lost its ability to have a sense of humor about itself or its elected leaders. George HW Bush was skewered by Dana Carvey for four years on SNL and the two became pals by all accounts. I have no idea what Carvey’s political leanings are, but the fact is that he mocked Bush for half a decade and still got invited to White House functions. Can you see Alec Baldwin ever getting an invite from Trump to anything? Of course not, Donald is every bit the coward that Huckabee is.
How sad of a life must Sarah have? She can’t even come out to the press and tell them her boss gave her permission to not do her job. She had to let the tiny-handed human fistula do it for her. She doesn’t even have the courage to tell the American people to their faces she’s drawing a six figure salary for doing fuck-all.
I have a question, now that Sarah Huckabee Sanders is taking taxpayer money for not doing her job. Does this make her a welfare queen or not? Because I thought that conservatives on talk radio and Fox News told us for a long time if you take money that you didn’t earn you’re a “taker” or a “moocher” or a “welfare queen.” So which is Sarah?
For certain she’s the sister of a dog murderer. And I am completely sure that she’s the daughter of the least funny comedian/telegangelist/right-wing hack/fake Christian ever. But if there are any Trumplodytes out there who can help me with figuring out if she’s a welfare queen, that would be fantastic. Drop me a line at my new email address: [email protected]HuckabeeSanders.com.
Weren’t Republicans and conservatives supposed to be against taking money that wasn’t yours for work you didn’t do? Isn’t that what used to be the thing in Republican Town? I could’ve sworn…
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.