Dear Republicans,

NO WAY NO HOW NOT HAPPENING HELL NO. Let me explain a few things to you about the real world where your bosses live.

This plan to change Social Security by Sam Johnson (R-TX), the Chairman of the House Social Security Subcommittee, is utter bullshittery lit on fire. The Reform Act of 2016 would not only affect the 60 million people already on the program, but also impact future recipients as well.

  • Cuts Social Security benefits for current recipients by one third.
  • Raises the retirement age from 67 to 69.
  • Changes the benefit-computation formula in a way that cuts benefit amounts.
  • Cuts Cost of Living Adjustments (COLAs)
    The resulting benefit cuts will affect Americans of all ages, at all income levels, including the middle class and those with very low incomes. (

We keep hearing that Social Security needs to be fixed, and right now, or it will run out of money! Well, a few things…First, I don’t believe you. Second, I don’t have the ability to care for my family and supplement my parents on top of it. And frankly, I still don’t believe you.

Total income to the Social Security Trust Fund in 2014 was $884 billion and total expenditures were $859 billion, resulting in a surplus of $25 billion. The Trust Funds were credited with $98 billion in interest from earnings, which represented an effective annual rate of return of 3.6 percent. Surpluses over the past two decades built up the assets in the Trust Funds to $2.7 trillion at the end of 2014. These surpluses will continue for the next several years, reaching a peak amount of $2.8 trillion in 2019.

Every year, Social Security’s actuaries estimate the program’s long-term finances under a variety of economic assumptions for the next 75 years. The Trustees currently project that Social Security’s surpluses will end by 2019. At that point, first the interest income credited to the Trust Funds and later the bonds themselves will have to be made available to cover a portion of the cost of benefits, rather than being used to cover other federal expenditures.

By 2034, the assets saved up in the Trust Funds are projected to be depleted, and only incoming payroll tax revenues will be available to pay benefits. This income is expected to be enough to pay about 79 percent of the promised benefits. While this shortfall poses a challenge, it in no way constitutes a crisis and can be resolved by a number of options that are available to policymakers that are consistent with how such shortfalls have resolved in the past and that do not result in cuts to seniors’ benefits.

Hey, look at that! I also have a solution. Raise the maximum income level for social security taxes gradually over the next ten or fifteen years. BAM! Problem solved, and nobody hates you (for this anyway).

Social Security provides retirement, disability insurance, and life insurance for many workers who have no other way to get it. If you take it away, food stamps, emergency medical care, all more expensive and less dignified will go way up. You will kill a promise you made to the people who have paid into the system their whole lives, not to mention a campaign promise to NOT TOUCH SOCIAL SECURITY by your next president. And you’ll be a bunch of douches. And a 1.7% cost of living adjustment already sucks. How much lower can you actually go?

Be reasonable and quit living in your overpaid over privileged federal government bubble. Or you will be fired.



your pissy bosses


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