Donald Trump TwitterThe last few days on Twitter have proven to me that some Conservatives are in desperate need of dictionaries. It seems more and more of them are struggling with basic vocabulary, probably as a result of their own drastic cuts to education finally catching up to them, and it is up to us – the Liberal Elites – to pool our resources and help them out. I’m afraid we are at a near crisis level of ignorance, and if this keeps spreading, it could become an epidemic.
You know they will not allocate any funding to allow the CDC to step in, so this will have to be done privately. The obvious solution to me is to set up an online crowdfunding platform and mail each of them a copy of the Oxford English Dictionary to use while on Twitter or Facebook. The question we must ask ourselves is: are we ready to make this commitment? I present to you the top Twitter candidates for our new Conservative Compassion Project.

First up on our list is Glenn Beck, the once far right-wing now so far alt-right he’s almost circled back on himself tea party but not Trump tea party conspiracy theorist founder of The Blaze. In response to the two HUGE losses wins SCOTUS handed President Obama’s entire party today:

Next, Joe Walsh, former Congressman of a state which prefers not to claim him anymore, non-child support paying Trump thumping Nationalist but don’t call me a racist even though I’ll say leftist whites voted for Obama out of white guilt…Even if that were a correct use of the word “racism”, this twatfuck needs a history book bundled in with his dictionary, preferably a very heavy one, so someone can whack him over the head with it hard enough to re-scramble what’s in there back into some semblance of functioning gray matter.

For our third candidate, introducing Leaver Stewart Jackson, unapologetically lying to an entire country about millions of dollars going to the National Health Service and immigration control, we are going to need international postage, and we might also decide to include a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. He might also need some lessons in dealing with media on public forums such as Twitter. The Internet is forever, Stewie.
Finally, Congresswoman Ann Wagner from Missouri, Ms. I’m glad to tell all other women what they should do with their bodies based on crackpot science someone pulled out of their hairy asshole, will need a laminated edition, because she will be referring to hers multiple times per sentence. We might also toss in a gift card for a legal consultation so a first year law student can explain this “logic” to her, since she seems to be having so much trouble with it. There are so many things here she just does not understand, bless her conservative, hypocritical, ignorant, and shriveled up heart.

I get a better understanding every day how these folks could vote for Trump and not see through his obvious lies and blatant bullshittery. If they can’t even do elementary English, how the hell should we expect them to do common sense? Who elected them? GAWD!


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