The choice is clear: Trump for president
The title got me immediately. A clear choice. This letter to the editor is gonna be gooooooooood. I have been waitin’ ever so patiently for someone to lay out a coherent argument for voting for this man. Finally, thank GAWD, I have found the Holy Grail, in some backwater newspaper out of…wait, where the fuck…North Carolina. YEEHAW! They’ve got smart people up there, surely, more than here in the ‘Sippi anyway. I’ve been trolling our papers for months, and I’ve yet to see a damn thing worthwhile. Let’s dig in, shall we?

This is the time for unity. Every single follower of Christ must vote this November for Donald Trump. We are citizens in the United States and we must protect this country from utter destruction.

Unity is good. I like unity, especially unity candles. Maybe we could all light some and sing a chorus of…ah, fuck, I can’t think of a single song that screams White Supremacy and Unity.
I thought we already made some collective agreement to leave Jesus out of the GOP? I dunno, sometime after that whole “Two Corinthians” debacle, or maybe it was around the time Trump insulted the leader of the Evangelicals. Hell, I’m an atheist, and I’m offended on behalf of Jesus. I think He’s in the john right now reading The National Enquirer and trying to pretend America doesn’t exist while eyeballing an old picture of Grandpappy Cruz and seeing if that might really be him with Lee Harvey.

If you have not noticed this simple fact that our country is on the verge of collapse please open your eyes. The Lord is sending us a man of intelligence to reform our country. Trump is like all of us in which he is not perfect; however, he has the right message to reform our country.

My eyes are wide open, Darlin’, and the only “collapse” I see here is Idoicracy coming to life in the form of your thinking Donald J. Trump is a man of intelligence. Exactly what is his message? See, that’s what excited me about this letter…I thought someone was finally going to explain to me the fucking message!

Why would you sit at home and not vote or vote third party if the Democrat candidate is so evil? Don’t you realize what will happen if Hillary Clinton gets elected? Our veterans will be mocked, left for dead and Clinton doesn’t think it makes a difference. Trump respects our military, our personal property, the right to life, and the rule of law. Clinton does not care when our servicemen are attacked; just look back to Benghazi.

Ummm…Srsly? Okie Dokie Alligokie. BRB.

<cue Jeopardy theme song>
          Remember this headline? 
Or what about this?
Yeah, I’m feeling the respect. No attacks there, Bubba. And that Benghazi thing? Yeah, go back to watching Fox News. They’ll tell you whatever you want to hear. “Fair and Balanced”, too!

I am proud to join the movement to reform our nation by supporting Trump for president and I hope you care enough for God and country to vote for him. God bless the South and these United States. We need reform now and Trump represents that.

Bless your heart. I get it. I get it now.  Oh honey, I get the message loud and clear. Here’s your reform:
 You want a white sheet to go with that?


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