If you’ve been online for more than five minutes and expressed any liberal or progressive views on social issues, you’ve probably heard a variation on the following theme.

Shut up, libtard snowflake, and go back to your safe space! No one has to placate you and your sissy feelings! TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP!

Which of course makes basking and bathing in the delightful irony of butthurt Trump lovers all the more enjoyable when someone — a liberal no less! — dares to say somthing provocative or or humorous that offends their own delicate, snowflake fee-fees. Outraged conservatives all over America are seeking their safe spaces — you might know them by their other names “Fox News” and “Breitbart” — after Charlie Sheen’s satirical tweet asking God to take Donald Trump next.

For correct context and direct, accurate quotation purposes, here’s Sheen’s tweet in question. I think you’ll agree with me, it’s pretty lighthearted stuff, the middle finger emoji not withstanding.

Oh no! A celebrity dared to jokingly pray to God for Trump to be the next famous person to die this year! Whatever will conservatives do? However will they recover from having their guy insulted after they spent eight years literally believing the current president is a foreign usurper because of the color of his skin? How can they go on in life, living in the same country with people who have so much disdain for the person they elected as to jokingly pray for him to die?

Look, I’m not saying I’d send the tweet Chuck sent. It’s a bit morose to wish the death of your political foe, after all. But the same conservatives who decry safe spaces on college campuses and pretend to have an almost sexual attraction to the Constitution really don’t seem to get how freedom of speech works, huh? And then we have hypocritical douchebags like Ted Cruz responding to Sheen’s tweet.

I get why Cruz is invoking Jesus here. He’s a Christian Dominionist and thinks his religion gives him the divine permission he needs to rule over all things on Earth. But, um, he’s kind of a shitty Christian by most measures Jesus himself would use. Cruz regularly works to undermine efforts to feed the hungry, provide the homeless shelter, and to heal the sick unless they can “afford” it. There is almost nothing Christian about what Cruz preaches, even though he pretends to do so with Biblical authority.

Then you have the hysterics of conservative writers who are just besides themselves over Sheen’s tweet, like the person who wrote this piece:

Charlie Sheen Begs God to Kill Trump and Gives Us Reason #11,432 to Hate the Media

The ever-mercurial Charlie Sheen took to Twitter Wednesday to make a public plea to God to strike President-elect Donald Trump dead. In the wake of the shocking deaths of Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds, Sheen tweeted, “Dear God; Trump next, please!”

Sure, Charlie’s tweet “begged” god to kill Trump, but it was also pretty clear and obvious hyperbole. I am sure that Sheen just wants Trump nowhere near the White House and would prefer him to simply be impeached or resign. But it’s also really important to remember who the group is that’s upset over Sheen’s tweet. It’s the group that has spent eight years absolutely demonizing Barack Obama and showing him absolutely, positively no respect whatsoever.

I’m not going to tell you that everyone who disagreed with Obama, or that every Republican even, is a racist asshole who said horrible things about Obama, including that he should die. But it’s not like the pictures from parades all over red states that showed effigies of Obama were made up by liberals, right? It’s not like it was liberals making all the crazy, fucked-up memes we saw involving Obama, Obama being hung in a tree, or any other flavor of that particular variety of derp, right?

Sure, we’d like to go high when they go low, but give me a fucking break here. Charlie Sheen wasn’t calling for Trump to be assassinated. He was making a joke. A dark and bitter joke, but a joke nonetheless. Seems to me that anyone complaining about his joke has no right to mock the idea of safe spaces anymore, or trigger warnings for that matter. Because clearly you can trigger conservatives with jokes that they themselves would relish if they were making Obama or the Clintons the butt of them.

And to that end — I’ve seen and heard Trumpers calling for the lifelong imprisonment and/or execution of both Obama and Hillary Clinton. Without a shred of evidence other than fever dream delusions they’re spoon fed by assholes like Alex Jones. And when you point these people out to Republicans you can count on equivocation after equivocation. So no, I don’t think we should chastise Charlie Sheen for his tweet, not too much anyway. Politics is messy, and if you’re going to build your reputation on being willing to be the most obnoxious asshole in the room — which is what Republicans really love most about Trump — then maybe you’re just being a whiny little shit stick hypocrite when you complain about being the butt of a mean-spirited joke.

It’s especially ironic that people would complain about Sheen’s abuse of Trump on Twitter. Because if ever there was a Twitter bully, it’s Trump. He’d do himself and his eventual presidential legacy a favor by deleting his entire “RealDonaldTrump” account because he simply cannot delete the shallow, callous, bullying, taunting, and downright stupid tweets of his past quickly enough. Screenshots of his embarrassing tweets pop up on the regular. Talk about dishing what you cannot yourself take.

We should round up all the Trump lovers and put them a freezer together; that way it keeps all those precious little conservative snowflakes from melting every time someone jokes about Trump in a way they don’t like.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.


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