More and more these days, it seems like people are talking about marijuana. It’s been legalized fully in a handful of brave states, and it’s coming soon to many more, if the winds of change are to be trusted. Already states that have adopted the pro-pot stance have seen their tax revenue increase, but maybe you’re like many millions of Americans and have been told that pot is made from Satan’s ejaculate and that anyone who smokes it has terrible things befall them.
Don’t worry, we’ve taken the time to answer five of the most common questions about pot. And before you ask, we know all this because a friend told us. Yeah, that’s it, we were just holding it for a friend. Anyway, here you go, answers to your pot questions.
#1. Can Smoking the Marijuana Plant Drug Make Me Stupid?
Gee. I don’t know. Let’s ask a few notable, open smokers of “the pot,” shall we? Like, say, Carl Sagan. You know, that totally dumb guy who knew how all the universe worked and shit? He is famous for telling a story about smoking some pot, hopping in the shower with his wife (not kidding), and then writing reams of what would become the presentations he’d make on astrophysics to some of the most highly-educated minds of the time. So, it would seem at least one guy has debunked that pot = you dumb myth. Then there’s this guy, here, he seems semi-smartish.
#2. Can Taking Joints Turn Me Into a Lazy Zombie?
It’s a logical question, especially if you’ve seen people partaking of Mary Jane in the movies and TV. Because despite the fact that a bunch of people in H-Wood all smoke copious doobs, they seem to like to write pot as being a drug that immediately sucks you into a vortex of nothingness. Now, don’t get us wrong, our, um, friends told us that pot can certainly do that to you. But there are also many strains of marijuana that give users an “energetic” high. Of course, enough of even the energetic stuff will make you sleep like a tiny baby, but so will Benadryl. Then again, you could ask this guy, who’s a noted pot smoker, if he thinks that him being a pot smoker kept him from getting shit done in his life.
#3. Can Inhaling Pot Fume Smoke Kill My Sperms?
Actually, for once one of the rumors about Ganja may actually be true…though as with most things pot-related, there hasn’t been a whole lot of study done it. It’s hard to research things when the Federal government treats them like they’re going to murder you sleeping babies in their cribs though, isn’t it? But yes, there have been some recently published studies that say that pot can have an adverse impact on your fertility. Then again, how many of you were born in the 1960’s and 1970’s? Because we can pretty much promise that a good portion of you were conceived when or both of your parents were pot users. Oh, and then there’s the fact that this guy has sired children well into his older years and he’s been known to burn one every now and again.
#4. Can I Ingest Too Many Marijuana Pills and Overdose?
It’s almost become cliche at this point, but no, it is virtually impossible to overdose on pot. Well not virtually, it really is impossible. While anything is toxic to your body if the amount you ingest is too much, the amount of pot you’d have to get into your system to reach those levels is, well, re-cocku-dicu-licious, if you will. From what we’ve, um, heard from friends you would probably be asleep before you could ever smoke enough pot to threaten your life. Then again, we can ask this dude. He’s probably smoked more pot than any of us and he’s celebrating his 78th birthday this year, so if anyone was going to O.D. from the shit, he’d have by now, many times over.
#5. Can Using Marijuana Cure My Terminal Illness Like Magic?
Yeah, here’s where we piss off some hardcore stoners — No. Pot isn’t a miracle cure-all drug. At least not that we know of so far. But just use some common goddamn sense, okay? If pot actually cured diseases like cancer and AIDS, pot would be crazy legal because Big Pharma would convince the government to do so in order to make their miracle drugs that people will pay nearly any goddamned price for, right? Also, these things called scientific, peer-reviewed studies have shown nothing that proves pot cures cancer or AIDS. That being said, there is no doubt that it can help you recover from what the actual treatments for those diseases are, and we’ve all seen the stories of the children who suffer from terrible seizures being treated with it to great success. So how about we hold off on calling it a miracle, cure-all drug and call it what is instead: Something that can help a lot of people with a lot of things, and that we should study so we know as much about as possible. Even this guy thought pot had some pretty great properties, so maybe it’s time to stop the decades of bullshit?