Oh Ann Coulter, I know you’re on “Team Drain The Swamp,” but I for one am glad that you guys are probably about to lose in an embarrassing fashion. Because you shouldn’t destroy your home, Ann. You need your home, and clearly after this tweet here, you belong in a swamp, or at the very least relegated to the primordial ooze in which you so clearly needed more cooking time.
I call Ann “Nazi Sekeltor” for two reasons. One — fucking look at her. If she doesn’t look like Skeletor from “He-Man” in couture, I don’t know who does. But, the Nazi part? That comes from the times she puts her racism and nativism on full blast. Like, for instance, this tweet. Ann fired this gem off last night, after clearly seeing the writing on the wall and realizing that what we’ve been telling the GOP for years is true — you’re racist ways will come back and bite you in the ass.
So here’s Ann’s God-awful tweet:
If only people with at least 4 grandparents born in America were voting, Trump would win in a 50-state landslide.
— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) November 8, 2016
I’d like to remind everyone now that Trump’s own mother was an immigrant. Therefore, none of his children could pass Ann’s Reichstag-inspired voting eligibility test. Secondly, his own (current) wife is an immigrant, meaning that any grandchildren that he and Melania share together couldn’t in fact vote, under Frau KKKoulter’s hypothetical rules. This shows both a) how deep her thinking on any issue really is and b) what an utter racist fuckface she is.
Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe Ann’s not a racist deep-down. Maybe underneath it all she’s just a vapid, carnival barking bucket of farts that’s willing to stoke racist fires to secure herself another book deal. Because you know, that makes her a better person, if she’s just pretending to be racist. But something tells me no one could carry on the Racist Bag of Bones character in earnest like she has for this long, were it to be satirical. Coulter ain’t no Stephen Colbert, so something tells me she is truly a racist piece of shit. Because only racist pieces of shit legitimately propose heritage tests for voting.
Oh, you know who else couldn’t vote under Ann’s idiotic rules? Pretty much anyone alive during the signing of the Constitution. For starters, America wasn’t a country until the end of the Revolutionary War, so that means, technically speaking, no one on the continent would have been allowed to vote for their new-fangled presidency for two generations after the Constitution was signed and ratified. Well, actually Native Americans could vote, but something tells me Fascist Middle-Aged Barbie wouldn’t allow that either, so…
I have to admit, I’m not voting for Hillary Clinton because I wanted her to be president from the start of this process, but people like Ann Coulter and her sycophantic worship of Trump (just because he’s the Republican nominee, mind you), are making me wish more and more for an electoral landslide the likes of which this country has never seen before. I’d love nothing more than for Ann and Donny to metaphorically trundle off to their underground bunker, put the cyanide capsules in their mouth, and go out with a bang, just like Adolf and Eva would have. Trump has re-awoken the racist bastards that Coulter’s made a career packaging palatable racism for and selling to at full-retail price.
Fuck Ann Coulter, is what I’m trying to say here, folks. But not, like, really fuck her. Putting your genitals next to a black hole is a good way to not have genitals anymore. Sorry, that was petty. Then again, so is everything that Ann tries to pass off as cogent political commentary, so I guess I’m not sorry at all, really.
What Ann’s suggesting here is so patently un-American it makes me think we may have finally exposed just how dark her heart is. I used to think that she couldn’t possibly believe the bullshit she spews. Because no one in their right mind could suggest in 2016, after 240 years of a melting pot society where we’ve seen sons and daughters of immigrants do tremendous things in this country, that we should have a Nazi-ish heritage criteria for voting. So clearly either Ann’s out of her goddamned mind, or she’s a genuine, honest to Satan, white supremacist.
And you know what they say:
If it walks like Skeletor in a KKK hood, talks like Skeletor in a KKK hood, and smells like Skeletor in a KKK hood (just conjecture on that last one)…
…then Ann Coulter is a racist asshole who should shut the fuck up forever and ever, take her “In Trump We Trust Books” and cast them into a fire where people like her usually like to send books that have actual value to society and mankind alike.
Fuck Ann Coulter, in case you missed it the first time.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.