There’s a fight raging on America’s left wing of the political spectrum. The funny thing is, to me anyway, that the fight is really silly. Because ostensibly the fight is between people who agree about certain problems in American life, but disagree on how to solve them, or even just how hard to push for the solutions everyone supposedly wants. The fight is between the Bernie Wing and the Hillary Wing of the Democratic Party. And the hub-bub and furor over Clinton’s new book crystallizes the argument.

For the record, I think 90% of people on the left are actually in pretty solid agreement. Maybe it’s more like 70% with the true blue die hards in both camps occupying the remaining 30% on either extreme. But regardless, there are two very loud narratives being shouted right now.

A) Hillary Clinton shouldn’t have written her book. She instead should have slinked off somewhere and died quietly. Because she lost and she’s horrible and everything is her fault.

B) Hillary Clinton shits ice cream, it was ONLY sexism and Russia that made her lose, and her book will probably have recipes for shit ice cream as well as all of the answers we so desperately wanted her to give us for four years.

Both sides are being stupid in this case. They’re over-simplifying some things, over-complicating others, and downright ignoring a whole slew of shit, all of them.

Here, American Left, let me make this very easy to understand.

1. Hillary doesn’t have to shut up and go away.

Here’s a fun fact: Hillary Clinton has a First Amendment right just like all of us to give us her opinions on Hillary Clinton. And Donald Trump. And Bernie Sanders. People telling her to shut up and go away are being dicks. Full stop.

2. Hillary isn’t entitled to living a life free of criticism, about anything she does or will do. This includes putting out a book.

Here’s another fun fact: Hillary Clinton’s First Amendment rights don’t give her a blank check. She did and said some questionable things during last year’s election, and the timing of this book is odd considering her party is in the mode where it needs to start unifying and finding good candidates to take back Congress and the White House. Calling her out for that isn’t misogyny. So, let’s just put that trope to rest.

3. Hillary isn’t entitled to be coddled.

She made several mistakes that had NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA. That doesn’t mean the Russia/Trump thing is fake news. It means blaming people other than yourself for your loss is gross, but not new for a politician.


4. New Senate Democrats every day now are signing onto Bernie Sanders’ medicare for all bill. Hillary says in her book she almost ran on Universal Basic Income, which is even more to the left of Bernie’s ideas.

So far, 14 Democrats have signed onto Bernie’s Medicare For All bill. More will follow suit. Maybe the bill won’t look exactly like it does now, once all the Dems have had input. And for sure the bill won’t go anywhere while President Piss Party and his pissant fellow Republicans are out of the way, but the notion that Sanders’ ideas are way too far out of the mainstream to be popular is becoming more and more hilariously false the more Democrats cosponsor his bill.

5. Democrats — YOU DO NOT SPEAK FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE AMERICAN LEFT. You never will. But if you want to secure more wins in the future, listen to what your party wants right now.

Your party wants to go left because:

THE MILLENNIALS ARE COMING. The death of a party and movement is when they start to think they’re the smartest and most able simply because they’ve been here longer. What a dumb fucking idea that is.

So guess what, American Left? Bernie didn’t cost Hillary shit. The math simply doesn’t add up. Just like Nader didn’t cost Gore Florida…Democrats voting for Bush did.

Don’t like this? Unfriend me. This isn’t that hard to figure out guys. Hillary would have been an okay president. But she wasn’t nearly the perfect candidate her loyalists say she was, and the simple fact is that yes, she won the popular vote, but a lot of that is because she had that (D) next to her name. Partisan politics bakes in a certain percentage of the vote for each party’s candidate, regardless of who they are.

Anyway, fuck a duck, y’all. Berners are allowed to have opinions. And when they say stupid shit about Hillary that’s out of a right-wing nutjob’s talking points, call them on it. But when they criticize her for the words that leave her mouth or the decisions she’s made, you’re the problem if you can’t listen to criticisms that are rooted in validity and facts.

Okay, that’s it. Rant over.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.