HASTINGS, MINNESOTA — Shortly after tweeting out “Where’s all the outrage over black on black crime? #AllLivesMatter,” Kevin Williams took to his Facebook page to rant about how the United States needs to cut “any and all welfare programs” from its budget.
“Yes, all lives matter,” Williams wrote on his Totally Biased America page, “but that doesn’t mean quality of life matters, duh.”
Williams insists that programs that help people feed their children are “completely unnecessary” because they haven’t wiped out poverty or hunger yet.
“How can you say that our war on poverty is a success, when there are still poor people who need welfare out there,” Williams wrote. He added that “just because the poverty rate has remained relatively and consistently low doesn’t mean that the program aimed at keeping the poverty rate relatively and consistently low is actually working.”
Williams admitted he didn’t have any actual evidence of this, but he did say he had seen several studies from right-wing think tanks that confirmed his biases, and that was good enough for him.
“It all comes down the liberal idea of cultural Marxism and moral relativism,” Williams wrote, “because if you’re okay with the thievery known as taxation, you’re okay with pretty much all the worst things humanity has ever done. This leads to you feeling okay about taking money from one person and just handing it to another because you fall for that emotional bullcrap about feeding needy children. But why can’t those children go to church charities where they can get indoctrinated and a ham sandwich?”

Kevin attempted to address criticisms of his rant ahead of time.
“Some of you might point out that if I truly cared about life as much as I say I do, that I would stop worrying so much about how much we spend on welfare programs,” Williams wrote, “and focus on how much we spend on implements of war, that only kill people. Some might say that if I truly believe that all lives matter, I should work as hard as possible to make those lives I insist matter worth living. But that’s liberal poppycock. We all know the most American thing to do is kick the ladder we just climbed up on out from underneath everyone trying to follow behind us.”
In his screed’s concluding paragraph, Williams tried to explain why he’s not a “massive, bloviating hypocrite” for being pro-life and saying that all lives matter and being against increased scrutiny on police use of force or the social safety net.
“Look, I could give you all kinds of reasoned arguments, but you know I don’t need to,” Williams said, “because you’re all right-wingers like me and you’re convinced the poor guy is stealing more from your paycheck than Corporate America or the military industrial complex is. And sure, when you look at me saying that we should value and cherish life but not the things that make life worth living, you could say I’m a massive, bloviating hypocrite. But to that I say, ‘Nuh,uh, buttholes.’ And I say it knowing I’m right because I say I’m right. Now let’s go make America white — er I mean — great again!”

More fake news daily at The Political Garbage Chute.


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