Over the weekend, our current “president” accused his predecessor of illegally tapping his phones at Trump Tower. Since he provided no evidence for his claim, and has gone on record as believing the idiots at Breitbart over even FBI Director James Comey, it’s safe to say that our commander in chief is buying into conspiracy theories about Barack Obama again. This should come as a shock and surprise to absolutely no one who was either alive and/or not in a coma for the last eight years. Trump’s entire political career is based on his full embrace of the racist Birther movement, though he sheepishly tried to put all that behind him during the campaign.
So now we know that Trump believes, or at least believed at one time, that Obama was born in Africa and that he believes the Kenyan Bogeyman illegally ordered is phones tapped. This got me wondering what other whackadoodle bullshit about Obama that Trump believes, and after thinking long and hard, here’s what I came up with.
#5. Obama Made Everyone Who Didn’t Vote For Him Believe He’s A Douchebag
It’s not the words that Trump uses that makes him look like the world’s biggest, most orange douchebag. It’s Obama!
I mean, sure, there are hours and hours of tape and thousands of tweets before he was elected saying horrific things about women, immigrants, Jewish people, disabled people, celebrities, his ex-wives, you name it. And yeah, I guess since being elected he’s also acted like a petulant little child, stomping his feet and insisting his crowds are the biggest (they aren’t), his margins of victory are the yugest (not even close), and he’s the most well-liked president ever (not by a country fucking mile). But still, like, Obama hasn’t just dropped off the face of the Earth, literally, since Trump was sworn in, so it’s clearly all his Sharia-lovin’ fault!
#4. Obama Made Everyone Who Didn’t Vote For Him Believe He’s A Racist Shit Head
Nowadays, there’s this narrative in the libtarded, mainstream libtard press that Donald Trump is probably racist. If he’s not racist, some of the people in his cabinet are at the very least in favor of a white ethnostate, and aren’t really all that ashamed of hiding it. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Before the election, no one thought of Donald Trump as racist. Oh, well, except the U.S. Department of Justice when they brought him and his dad up on charges of willfully keeping black people out of the apartments they were building in New York during the 1970’s. But you know, um, stuff and reasons and Maobama and whatnot.
#3. Obama Made Everyone Who Didn’t Vote For Him Believe He’s A Sexually Predatory Cock Face
Just where the hell did everyone get the idea that our president is a handsy, obnoxious asshole who can’t keep his hands to himself? Those Billy Bush/Access Hollywood tapes? Well, it’s not like there’s more evidence of his sexually predatory ways from other interviews right – Oh fuck me. We’ll skip this one then, I guess.
#2. Obama Made Everyone Believe Trump Wants To Fuck His Daughter
You know what’s really foul? All these rumors that Donald wants to bang Ivanka. What tripe, and the worst part is we have no idea where this vicious rumor came from!
Oh, that video. Yeah. Okay. He probably wants to fuck his daughter.
#1. Obama Made Everyone On The Planet Realize How Terrible He Is At Being President
It’s not like Americans, or really anyone living on this rock could see for themselves how ill-prepared Trump is. It’s not like we can see for ourselves how ill-tempered he is. How unsuited for the position he is. It’s not like we can tell from every tweet, speech, and statement what an egomaniacal douchebag he is. And it’s not like having an executive order smacked down so hard by the courts that their opinion was essentially a “How to President” primer means anything, right? Oh, and that whole deal with his national security adviser quitting is no biggie either. Nor is his Attorney General already having to recuse himself any sign that Trump’s team is full of fuck-ups. And that really sketchy deal in Azerbaijan was nothing to concern yourself with, either.
Obviously, it’s all Obama’s fault that the overwhelming plurality of Americans feel he’s already hosed the job up royally. It’s certainly not his fault at all. The buck would stop here, but you know, Obama.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.