If you were looking for proof that humanity has lost all hope, the fact that someone with presumably more than a handful of brain cells left decided that Sarah Palin needed to not only be given another TV show, but one that involves her being a judge in a courtroom, is probably all the evidence you’d need.

In case you were wondering, no, Sarah didn’t finish law school in the last few years. She’s still the same vapid, arrogant bomb thrower she’s always been. But now, she’ll get to attention whore it up on a TV set near you, extolling the virtues of being Sarah, I’m sure, to people looking for some kind of conflict resolution. Why in the name of all that is holy someone thought Palin displayed the traits of a wise and sanguine adjudicator is beyond me, but I thought I’d do Sarah a favor and help her brainstorm names for her new abortion television show.

#5. Judge Stupey

Sarah’s kinda like Judge Judy. I mean, without the intelligence, wit, ability to form cogent sentences and knowledge of the law, of course. So why shouldn’t the Half-Term Queen of derp pay homage to Judge Judy by naming her own show in a similar way? Also, Sarah Palin is really fucking stupid, so the name doubly fits.  I’m sure it won’t be long until you don’t even have to refer to her as Sarah Palin, and just call her Stupey instead.

#4. Half-Trial of the Century

I’ll be really interested to see if Sarah can stick to a job longer in a fake courtroom setting than she can anywhere else. She of course famously quit her one major elected office half-way through to become a reality-TV star. But then she had a series of massive flops from more reality-TV shows to trying to start her own fee-based web TV station. I find it hilarious that they’re giving someone who has failed spectacularly at everything except making a name for herself as a loud person who says dumb things a show where she’s supposed to judge cases and make reasoned, sound judgments based on her knowledge of the law. So, something tells me this show will probably end before the first season is even finished taping, or not much longer after it airs.

#3. The Conservative, Christian, Republican People’s Court

Many of us believe in the First Amendment’s protections against religious persecution, not only to help religious people, but also people who don’t practice a religion. People like Pain think that’s silly libtard talk. So of course she’d prefer to hold court in a setting where she knows the people before her will have the exact same beliefs she does, or they’ll lose. Because that’s what justice means, right, only coming down in favor of people you like? Exactly, libtard, exactly.

#2. Sarah’s Sharia Law Court

Similar to the last one, but focused wholly and completely on the Christian Bible, “Sarah’s Sharia Law Court” will model itself after a biblical tribunal. You know, exactly how the people who cemented a separation between church and state would want it.

#1. A God Awful Train Wreck, Like Everything Else Sarah Palin Touches

Am I beating a dead horse here? Sure. But then again, I keep thinking this particular prairie dog will stop popping up all the time, and she won’t go away. So I think it’s in everyone’s best interests to continually pummel and beleaguer this point — Sarah Palin is dumb, her ideas are equally dumb, and she is so hypocritical as to be comical. She preaches family values and her family is, well, the Palins. She says she’s for small government, but she wants it to tell women what to do with their bodies and LGBTQ people they can’t get married. She sucks, out loud, and I hope when John McCain dies that God says to him, “I would have let you in…but Sarah Fuckin’ Palin, man? Get outta here.”



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