It’s a foregone conclusion that as soon as you decide to make an opinion or viewpoint you hold public, it’s opened up to public ridicule and shame. Nowhere else have I found that as apparent in recent days as when I came out and declared myself “Bernie or Bust.” Even though I wrote about my decision both in a longer, blog style post and in a little listicle (like this one), and I thought I was pretty clear about the fact that me living in California afforded me this opportunity, I have been called all manner of things as a result of my decision, as if the names I’m being called will change my mind to not ever once in my life cast a vote for Hillary Clinton to be president.
But that got me to thinking, maybe there are some names I could be called that would make me change my mind, and I couldn’t come up with any, sorry for the misleading title, but I had to get you to click somehow, and “BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS!” just doesn’t have the impact it had pre-Internet porn. Instead, I thought I’d tell you why each of these insults and names that gets lobbed at me and other Bernie or Busters roll right off our backs like ducks, and you know, that wet stuff that you can’t drink in Mexico or Flint.
#6. A Child, Immature, etc.
This is one of my most favorite insults I get called for being “Bernie or Bust.” Because you know, I can’t possibly have used my adult brain to divine the fact that I live in an extremely reliably Democratic leaning state (in terms of the presidential elections, we certainly have massive pockets of red here, and I live in one), and to conclude that a Republican elected in this climate with this Congress would simply be obstructed like Obama was, and decide that I wasn’t going to be brow-beaten or terrified into making a decision with my own vote to do with it what I feel best reflects my individual views, right? It’s absolutely ludicrous and condescension thick enough to choke a rhino. Yes, children are petulant and unyielding, but adults are confident and resolute. If you can’t tell the difference, maybe I’m not the immature one.
#5. Tea Bagger
Oh, this one really makes my teeth itch. It’s meant to belittle us. It’s meant to imply that we are intellectually akin to the Tea Partiers. Because you know, we want to dismantle the government, cut taxes to the bone, stop paying for infrastructure, privatize Social Security and Medicare, give the Pentagon even more money and we cannot wait to to be allowed to discriminate against LGBT+ people and Muslims. Wait a minute. We don’t want fucking any of that shit. So…yeah…I guess calling us Tea Baggers is pretty fucking stupid then.
#4. Freeloading Moocher Who Just Wants Free Stuff
I really, really love being called this by Hillary Hawks who are older, retired, and living off their Social Security, that, let’s be honest, current workers are helping to maintain since our government has raided the surplus whenever they saw fit. I’m a 35-year-old man with a mortgage, a wife, and two kids. I’m looking for free shit. I’m looking to have my tax dollars benefit the working class, and we start that by holding the bastards who have been stuffing money all over the world in tax havens (read-up on the Panama Papers for shit’s sake) accountable for actually chipping in their share, instead of diverting it into offshore accounts.
Free stuff? Fuck that. I want to pay for stuff that the country desperately needs. Like bridges, roads, and high-speed broadband Internet nationwide. Not fighter jets that don’t and never will see deployment.
#3. Not a Democrat
Another brilliant one when you consider that Sanders relies on a pantload of support from independents. It’s why the Democratic machine is so keen on closed primaries and superdelegates. No, I’m not bitching about them here, I’m just saying that to “insult” me by saying I’m not a Democrat as if that will make me want to drop my principled stance and just take one for the team is kind of stupid on your part, if that’s how you’re talking to me. I’m not a Democrat. I’m an adult with a constitutionally-guaranteed right to waste my vote on Santa Claus if I want to. No, that doesn’t make a child, it makes me an adult for pointing out the obvious to people who are acting like children.
“Be on OUR team, you’re a LOSER!” No thanks. High school ended for me almost 20 years ago. The only political team I’m on is the “Vote for people you think will most help fix what’s broken and keep in place what isn’t.”
#2. White, privileged male
Another brilliant one, isn’t it? The fact is I am white, and I freely admit that since I live in California — a reliably blue state — I have the privilege of voting in a way that maybe others don’t. That’s called “nuance.” But the implication from this insult is that I don’t care enough about minorities and the LGBT+ community or women’s health. How about…fuck that? How about, I have spent more hours of my life writing thousands upon thousands of words in support of liberal causes, sharing them all over the Internet, and exposing myself to threats and insults to my loved ones, so you implying I suddenly don’t give a fuck because I won’t get behind Hillary and toe the party is stupid and insulting and just plain WRONG? How about I’m a liberal because I challenge the status quo as a matter of fucking principle?
I don’t suddenly become a racist, homophobe, xenophobe, bigot, or otherwise uncaring person because I vote for someone other than the pre-packaged, anointed, predestined Royal Queen of President Land. I just become someone who disagrees with your choice for fuck’s sake.
#1. I don’t give a fuck
It’s probably pretty obvious by now, but since sarcasm is sometimes lost in translation on the Internet let me just be as concise as possible: I have zero fucks to give for your ad hominems, and even fewer fucks to give for your straw men and cliquey bullshit. I will vote with a very clean conscience in November, because I will know that I’m not wasting my vote by giving to someone other than Hillary; giving it to Hillary would be a waste of my principles. Call me whatever the fuck you want to call me for that, that’s your right. Just like it’s mine to ignore you.