Politics is hard. There are so many people saying so many things almost 24/7. How can you possibly know who the best person is to vote for — looking into their policy proposals and voting records? That’s what makes politics hard…doing it so-called “right.” A lot of people have written in asking how they can know who they should vote for, so we decided to start a new series, “5 Sure Fire Signs You’re a _____ Supporter,” and who better to start with than El Chingadero Primero, Donald J. Trump.

How can you tell if you’re a Trump supporter? Read on!

#1. You Genuinely Think Your Skin Color is an Accomplishment

Do you wake up in the morning, put the goddamned dog outside, light a goddamned Marlboro Red, turn on the TV, and after you take your morning “dumper” do you look in the mirror and see your skin color and think, “Goddamn I am so proud I achieved this white skin of mine!” If so, congratulations! You’re a Trump supporter. Most of us, you see, don’t view skin tone as any indication of anything whatsoever. But 20% of recently polled Trump supporters think the Emancipation Proclamation was bullshit, a very well-known White Nationalist recently endorsed Trump. So if you’re a racist piece of shit — CONGRATS!! You’re a Trump supporter!

#2. You Know That Communism, Socialism, and Liberalism Are All Exactly The Same

Regressive libtarded liberals will tell you that there’s a difference between communism, socialism, what Bernie Sanders wants, and even liberalism! Pssh. As if there are liberal capitalists, right Warren Buffet? Anyway, if you’re the kind of person who irrationally fears socialism because you have a third grade level understanding of what it is, how long it’s been implemented here in the United States already, and how many people depend on socialist policies and programs around the world, without threatening to collapse the entire global economy…CONGRATS! You’re a Trump supporter!

#3.You Know Christianity is Way More Peaceful Than Islam

I mean, sure, Christian politicians have led this country into bloody conflicts, and sure, there have been crusades and inquisitions performed in the name if Christendom, but you know that doesn’t mean squat! Because even though there are over a billion and a half Muslims on this planet, you’re pretty sure at least 85% are terrorists even if that would mean we’d be getting attacked almost every minute of every day if that were the case. If you’re a red-white-and-blue wearin’, God-fearin’ Christian who knows your God is way totes different than the Allah guy those Muslim people talk about, and that gives you permission to be prejudiced against them…CONGRATS! You’re a Trump supporter!

#4. Allusions to Daughter Banging in No Way Influence Your Opinion of Presidential Candidates

Is there nothing more presidential than implying you’d fuck your own offspring? To be fair, for the Confederacy, let’s be honest now, cousin fucking was at least tolerated if not fully embraced. But those racist, slavery loving assholes aside, when Donald Trump intimated his daughter Ivanka is so hot that he’d do her if she wasn’t his daughter, every rational, sane, and thinking person dropped any pretense of thinking he would be the right person to represent us to foreign dignitaries. If you’re one of the people who doesn’t give a shit about that kind of thing and just loves that he “speaks his mind,” oh and you say gross sexual shit about your daughter…CONGRATS! You’re a Trump supporter!


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