When Gun Safety Advocacy Goes Way Too Fucking Far

No toy guns in Disneyland park? What the overreactionary knee-jerk craziness?

I cannot possibly estimate the number of words I have written in support of common sense gun reforms. I cannot count for you the number of times my arguments for things like universal background checks and ammunition magazine size limits have gotten be branded by gun zealots as a “gun grabber.” So know that what I’m saying here comes from someone who doesn’t idolize or worship firearms in the slightest, but after spending some time at Disneyland this weekend, I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed entirely possible to overreact to gun violence, though not in the ways that gun nuts insist happen every time we think to make it a little harder for terrorists and violent criminals to get their hands on a gun.

A few weeks back, there was a horrible shooting in San Bernardino that left over a dozen people dead. It made the national headlines because mass shootings always do, and because the shooters were self-radicalized Muslims, one a United States Citizen, and the other was here as his spouse on a visa. San Bernardino is about 90 minutes away from Disneyland by car, but apparently that was close enough to the Happiest Place on Earth that the powers that be decided Disney parks should be gun-free zones.

Of course, I am sure that Disneyland and its family of resort theme parks has always had a no-gun policy, but let me clear — they have banned even toy guns from the park. For some reason news of this move hadn’t gotten to me and my family when we went this past Sunday, and as I took my two sons into the Star Trader shop to look for Star Wars blasters, I was puzzled by the complete dearth of them. We had literally just been to the park about a month prior and the shelves were full of Han Solo (RIP) blasters and and Boba Fett rifles. Now, though, it was miles and miles of lightsabers, which is cool if the only thing you give a fuck about in the Star Wars universe is Jedi and the Force, but if you’re like me, you give several more fucks about swashbucking space pirates and elegant weapons from more civilized ages are cool and all, but you know damn well that hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side.


I confirmed with a Disney employee that not only were all the blasters removed, but all the pirate guns — that had been painted bright orange and green for years anyway — had been removed as well. Call me crazy, but I never thought of a kid buying a replica Blunderbuss or flintlock rifle as being encouraging of gun culture, but someone at Disney sure as hell did. So now they own the rights to things like Marvel and Star Wars stories that have both earthly weapons and guns from a galaxy far, far away, and if your son or daughter wants to be a pirate of the Caribbean or someone other than a religious kook who runs off into exile while his best friend is murdered by his son after you fucked-up his training, you’re shit out of luck.

Is this the biggest deal in the world? Of course not. Children will survive going to Disneyland and not getting to buy a pirate gun or a Stormtrooper blaster. But was this really necessary? They aren’t guns that look remotely of this world or modern, and all that is left is a feeling of “What the hell?” After all, lightsabers? They’re still deadly-ass weapons. Just ask my boy Han. Or one of the many hundreds of Jedi that were cut down by one as Vader hunted them all down — you own that character’s grizzly past now, too Disney. Lightsabers might not fire projectiles, but I tell you what — I’d really rather not face someone in a dark alley who had one, not if I value my limbs like I do.

What exactly is gained by this move? Will Disney security now be less likely to kill a four year old with a pirate gun? Does anyone else see how fucking stupid a question that is to ask? Because if you do, then you’re probably just as WTF’d out over this decision as I am. We can teach our kids to not treat guns like candy without also taking away their imagination and play — especially when the weapons they’re using aren’t even of this world.

Let’s hope Disneyland sees the light of day and reverses this silly decision, because it’s this kind of shit that make liberals look like out of touch loons.

 

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