What the Oregon Militia Squatters Left Behind Proves It: They’re Pigs Not Patriots

The Oregon Militia left behind guns, bombs, and a crap-load of crap...literally.

The FBI has started talking about what they’re finding up at the bird observatory in Bend, Oregon that served as a base camp for a few dozen anti-government, highly-armed backyard commandos, and the details are altogether unsurprising, revolting, and they prove once and for all what we were witnessing up there.

Pigs. Not patriots. Pigs.

According to CBS News the FBI found a ton of guns, a ton of bombs, and well…

CBS affiliate KOIN in Portland reports the campsite “large food stores that are spoiling” and “significant amounts of human feces in and around an outdoor camping area.” (source)

Yup, that’s right. A shit ton of crap, or a crap ton of shit if you’re so inclined, has been found in and around their base. I mean, it makes sense. They were in a wildlife sanctuary. But I think this really speaks to the kind of people we’re talking about. Right-wingers wanted us to see them as patriots, standing up to the tyranny of government. They weren’t those things. They were bored, armed campers and they weren’t even the good kinds of campers that leave the woods better than they found them.

That was always the rule, growing up in the mountains. You didn’t leave the forest shittier — literally — than you found it. How can we really believe they were protecting the Constitution when they couldn’t even be bothered to bury their own feces? That’s what good, responsible campers do. You find a place 200 feet from the nearest water source, and you bury your shit. But these guys and gals clearly didn’t care about anything other than living rent-free and intimidating people into letting them get away with it by pointing their high-powered rifles at anyone who dissented.

Of course, literal shit wasn’t the only thing found in abundance at the camp site. Law enforcement has found a shit-ton of guns and explosives too.

Additionally, FBI agents found large amounts of firearms and explosives, and are concerned some of the abandoned cars may by booby-trapped. (source)

The guns and the bombs aren’t surprising at all. These are the idiots, after all, who genuinely believe they’re a direct link the militia that fought for American independence, and not — as reality dictates — a bunch of shiftless, violence-obsessed, slack-jawed wannabe soldiers. So for the FBI to find guns and bombs and possibly booby-trapped cars doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. It just also confirms that we weren’t dealing with misguided patriots; we were face to face with what domestic terrorism looks like.

What else do you call it when a bunch of heavily-armed people forcibly occupy land they have no right to and then use explosives to secure that land? What else do you call brandishing your weapons cache and publicizing the fact that you and your cohorts will not submit to anyone’s authority but God’s their own? If you put the Oregon Militia Squatters in traditionally Middle Eastern garb and have them scream “Allah Akbar” instead of “Praise Jesus” how loudly do you think rednecks and gun nuts would be defending them? Add to it that they were literally shitting all over the place, and if you think that good ol’ boys would be cool with that kind of behavior, I have a lovely bridge to sell you.

So let’s just cut the bullshit, shall we? The Ammon and Cliven Bundys of the world aren’t regal defenders of true American Liberty™. They’re just gross people who also happen to have a lot of guns, explosives, and free time. Domestic terrorists that were too lazy to bury their own shit — that’s who the conservatives wanted us to believe were the last remaining remnants of the Minutemen. Instead, we see this little demonstration was nothing more than a free, snack-fueled, heavily-armed camping trip, and nothing more.

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