If You’re Dumb Enough To Think Trump Kept All The Planes From Crashing, You’re Probably Dumb Enough To Vote For Him

In less than 365 days in office, President Donald Trump — it will never stop inducing diarrhea-chills in me when I type that phrase — has said some stupid, stupid shit.

He claimed that there were good people on both sides of the Nazi/Not A Nazi divide. He asked a black reporter if she was personal friends with the Congressional Black Caucus and could get him a meeting with them., because you know, “they” all look alike to him or something. The truth is, that if Trump goes more than a day or two without saying something so dumb you have to wonder if the White House stopped paying its cable bill and he lost access to Fox & Friends.

And if you thought 2018 would be just a continuance of the same daily deluge of verbal diarrhea, misplaced hubris, and galling stupidity — you were completely right! In one of his first tweets since returning to “work” from his holiday vacation, President Dumbfuck took credit for something that even I have to admit I’d never have foreseen: keeping airplanes from crashing.

No, really, he tweeted today and took credit for there “Zero deaths in 2017” in commercial aviation. Here’s his tweet to prove it…

Now, it should be stated for the record that there hasn’t been a commercial plane crash since 2009, but let’s not go asking Trump to give credit to a black man for something he’s taking credit for himself, am I right? The larger point is that neither Barack Obama nor Donald Trump deserve all that much credit for keeping commercial planes from crashing. That credit should probably go to, you know, the people whose jobs require them to do their very best to keep planes from crashing. So even if it’s true that Obama oversaw a longer period of airline safety in his tenure, the chances are that Trump could match that record, and it still would be stupid to bring up.

This latest idiotic tweet did make me ask one very vital question of myself though — Who is dumb enough to believe that Trump had any impact on commercial airline safety?

The answer I came up led me to make this list, which I think serves as a perfect cross-section of dumb people.

People Dumb Enough To Believe Trump Helped Keep Planes From Crashing in 2017

  • People dumb enough to think a trust fund racist, D-List Reality TV star could be an effective leader of the free world.
  • People dumb enough to think Trickle Down Economics will finally work this time.
  • People dumb enough to think there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
  • People dumb enough to think that climate change is a liberal conspiracy while they watch their levies get washed away every hurricane season.
  • People dumb enough to think Obama isn’t American.
  • People dumb enough to think Hillary Clinton personally murders or orders the murders of her political opponents.
  • People dumb enough to think a pedophile ring was being run out of a pizza restaurant.
  • People dumb enough to think the Second Amendment protects us from drone fired missiles.
  • People dumb enough to think Mexico will ever pay for a single foot of the border wall.
  • People dumb enough to think that the War on Drugs works.
  • People dumb enough to think Blue Lives Matter but black ones don’t.
  • People dumb enough to think a Constitutional scholar knows less about our government than a tiny-handed, arrogant, orange skinned douchebag does.
  • People dumb enough to think the 2008 fiscal meltdown was caused by too much government oversight in the lending industry.
  • People dumb enough to think Trump’s inaugural crowd was the bigliest ever.
  • People dumb enough to think Trump isn’t releasing his taxes because they’re under audit.
  • People dumb enough to think Trump’s campaign didn’t at the very least attempt to collude with Russia.
  • People dumb enough to vote for Donald Trump.

There. I think that covers all the bases. But let me know if I missed any.




James’ satirical works can be found on The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, and Alternative Facts.

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