I’m Going To Invent Time Travel And Take Mitch McConnell On A Ride Through The Obama Years

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was either in an eight year-long coma, or he's the most delusional, self-unaware man in Congress.

Guys, I feel really bad that I’ve made fun of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) a lot over the years. If I had known he was a coma victim for the last eight years, I’d never have treated him so poorly. You might be saying to yourself, “But Jambo, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell hasn’t been in a coma the last years.” But then if that’s the case, how come he’s acting like he’s surprised by how the Democrats in Congress are treating Sub-President Trump’s cabinet appointments and Neil Gorsuch, his Supreme Court nominee?

In a tweet of his from 2/6/2017, Mitch says that Neil Gorsuch deserves an up or down vote. On the same day he sent that tweet, on the floor of the Senate, McConnell railed against Democratic obstruction like he did all weekend long on various talk shows and in an op-Ed for The Washington PostMaybe if it were anyone but McConnell in any other period in American history I’d be inclined to agree with him. But Mitch, and any Republican who served in the Obama era, has no room to argue, complain, bitch, or whine about to the country.

Does McConnell not remember when he said that Barack Obama — the man who the Constitution said should pick the next Supreme Court Justice — wouldn’t even get a hearing on Merrick Garland? For nearly an entire year, Turtle Fuck Mitch blocked Obama’s nomination of Garland for purely political reasons. This, I’ll remind the world, was after McConnell very famously said in 2010 that the only goal his Republican colleagues had was to make President Obama a one term president.

Mitch failed at that, just like he’s going to fail to convince the majority of the American people he’s not being a hypocritical, hyper-partisan sack of shit right now.

I find it especially hilarious, actually, that McConnell would be on the Senate floor today complaining that Democrats need to “get over it” and “accept the results of the election.” Because the birther movement that his dipshit party fostered for years was a racist resistance to accepting Obama’s legitimacy. Around every corner they used rhetoric to try and delegitimize Obama, so to me Mitch’s whinging sounds extra hollow now.

Maybe I need to just invent time travel. Then I can take Mitch and any other Republican back to 2009. And we can re-live all eight years of the Obama presidency. We can re-live more than 60 fake repeals of Obamacare. We can re-live scandal investigation after scandal investigation that went nowhere and turned up no evidence of wrongdoing by Obama or anyone close to him. We can even re-live the Benghazi incident, marvel at four years of Republican howling over it, and then come back to 2017 and watch those self-same pious Republicans ignore the fact that Sub-President Trump’s first raid he ordered in Yemen was a colossal fuck-up that got American servicemen and a young American civilian girl — among many others — killed.

Perhaps if we force the Republicans to re-live their own obstruction they’ll give up this farcical charade of moral outrage they’re putting on. The truth is that Mitch and Crew gave Democrats the playbook to use at least for as long as the GOP can hold out from blowing up the filibuster and every single rule in the Senate to push their agenda…which will only come back to bite them in the ass when the American voters inevitably figure out the Republicans are helping enable one of the dumbest, least qualified, scariest humans ever to occupy the White House, and they’re forced to watch the Dems ram progressive policy after progressive policy down their throats.

I’m starting to personally believe that the only way to fix shit is to give Republicans a taste of their own medicine and block everything they can while they can. If the Republicans eventually blow up the Senate to get their way, that’s on them. And at that point the Democrats should give the Republicans all the rope they need to hang themselves. The results of their disastrous policies and leadership will be all the evidence most sane, rational voters need to strip the GOP of their congressional seats.

Then again, that all depends on how many sane, rational voters that are left in this country. Still, I’ll take my chances. Because the overwhelming majority of Americans who pay attention to these kinds of things are going to laugh at the Obama One Term President Guy complaining about anyone else not rolling over for them in the name of “getting on with it.”





Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.



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