Tennessee’s Governor Throws His Cowboy Hat Into the Ring

Tennessee's the latest state to make an anti-LGBT move in the name of religious freedom.

Jesus H. Christ on a biscuit with grape jelly, Bill! Are you fucking kidding me?

You managed to deftly maneuver your way out of making the Bible the state book, but you turned around and signed the law to allow counselors the right to deny services based on their “sincerely held principles”? Honey, you swatted a mosquito and let loose a swarm of big red wasps! I had actually started thinking there might be one semi-intelligent Republican up there in Nashville, but nope, you had to prove me wrong and show the whole world you are as big a twatwaffle as the rest of em. Dammit.

Let’s take a closer look at this bill and see exactly what you managed to accomplish in exchange for putting Tennessee on the list with North Carolina and Mississippi as Places No Sane People Ever Want to Live or Even Visit, shall we?

• “Sincerely held religious beliefs” was changed at the last second to “sincerely held principles” so as not to offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities or come across as…wait…fuckin’ what? I’m s’posed to buy this bullshit? Oh, it’s not about Jesus now, Bill, because you changed the words. You almost got me.

• The American Counseling Association condemned this bill six ways to Tuesday and back again. They don’t want it, need it, and it flies in the face of everything they stand for, including their Code of Ethics. You know, that oath thing they swear to? The very people you want to swoop in and save are telling you they don’t want you to interfere with their business, dude!


• Tennessee is right next to Mississippi, which I’m sure impacted your decision, because I know you sit up there in your office and think, GODDAMMIT Phil Bryant is getting all the attention, and I WANT SOME! But that also means you have some very rural areas where there are not a lot of choices for anything, and if your one counselor is some self-righteous holy-roller, or even if someone just perceives that counselor is one, there is no other choice. A person in need may never seek the help they so desperately need, because of Jesus. Now does that make any sense to you, Bill? Because I can’t wrap my head around that.

• The Family Action Council loves it, and at this point, if that isn’t enough to freak you the fuck out, I think you need to go get some help yourself, honey child. And I mean STAT.

What exactly does this law really accomplish? Pretty much nothing that I can see, except announcing to the world that Tennessee is also a “socially conservative” state, which is the latest politically correct way of telling the world, “We use our Bible as an excuse to discriminate against people we don’t like, because screw that whole Golden Rule thing. Jesus HATES you, and so do I!”

Let me tell you this, you redneck, bigoted, self-righteous tool. When I was a teenager, I got into a really awful, terrible black hole. I was depressed and some might say suicidal. I went to a Christian counselor, and the first thing I told him was I wanted nothing to do with religion. He spent an entire year with me, and he respected that. I’m still here today, because that man was compassionate and loving and did his job without judgment. Unfortunately that’s a helluva lot more than I can say for you.

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