CLEVELAND, OHIO — Fact-checking site Politifact has announced that they have increased the number of full-time fact checkers they have on staff by more than five times. The move, they say, is to account for the Republican National Convention being held this week in Cleveland.
“Normally when Republicans speak to a national audience we staff up about fifteen percent,” Politifact announced in an email blast this morning, “but with Donald Trump being the man of alleged honor, and speakers like Scott Baio, Peter Thiel, and Joni Ernst speaking, not to mention potential speakers like Michele Bachmann or Newt Gingrich, we could burn out a fact-checking staff three times the size of ours.”
So, Politifact’s email claims, they “crunched the numbers” and came up with a staffing model they hope will allow them to “track, record, and publicize every single time a Republican speaker tells an outright lie, fibs, or butchers the truth so badly we give it the Cheney Rating.” The Cheney Rating, is the highest form of a lie that Politifact can score, going beyond its famous “Pants on Fire” rating.
“Donald Trump has retweeted highly dubious and debunked black crime stats, that we rated Pants on Fire” Politifact’s email continues, “and that is just the tip of the lying iceberg for him. If you read his Politifact File, a full 76% of what he has said has been at least Mostly False, and he is most rated as False by our fact checkers.”
The Politifact email explains that “giving someone like Trump a national stage for a full week could both set fact checking records and melt the space time continuum with lies.”
“Up will become, down will become up,” the email reads, “and all over America, white, Christian conservatives will start to believe that what Trump says is true, even though most of is verifiable horse shit, as we in the fact checking business call it.”
Politifact’s email makes it clear that even at five times their normal staffing, that the “level of unmitigated, unwavering bullshit spewed by Republican speakers” they may not have the staff they need to keep.
“These are people who think the Iraq War made and still makes sense,” Politifact email concludes, “these are people who don’t believe in climate change, and the ones who do don’t think we should act on it. These are people who still believe that cutting taxes on the wealthy creates such a largess that it has no other way to go but trickling down to the plebs. They believe in an idealized, romanticized version of the U.S. where everyone got along because those uppity liberal gays and women and minorities weren’t so busy demanding they be treated all equal and shit. So to say that there’s a chance of a monumental, cataclysmic amount of unfettered nonsense is an understatement. The level of unmitigated, unwavering bullshit spewed by Republican speakers is probably going to be enough to drown fifteen giraffes standing on each others’ shoulders.”
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