Oklahoma Conservatives Believe Women Need To Discuss Abortion When They’re Taking A Dump

Are you a female looking to be bombarded with anti-abortion messaging while trying to take a steamy one in Oklahoma? You will be.

A lot of times anti-abortionists come off as really silly. Whether they’re claiming a fetal heartbeat should mean no abortions after six weeks (when most women don’t even know they’re pregnant yet), trying to argue a freshly fertilized egg should have all the constitutional rights its host organism does, or trying to force businesses to make women think about not having an abortion while they’re taking a hot, steamy, dump, if they’re pro-life, chances are they’re going to spout some kooky stuff.

Oh, I wasn’t kidding about that whole “convincing women not to have an abortion while they take a shit” thing, by the way. Even as a dude who spends a lot of his time making up fake news stories to expose the craziness of right-wingers, I can’t take credit for the wackiness coming out of Oklahoma’s Republican-controlled state legislature.

As reported by The Huffington Post, the Oklahoma state board of health is debating a policy that would make restrooms in buildings their health department oversees put up anti-abortion messages on placards.

The state’s board of health was due to discuss Tuesday regulations that would force any restrooms in buildings that the Oklahoma Health Department regulates to carry signs that state:

There are many public and private agencies willing and able to help you carry your child to term and assist you and your child after your child is born, whether you choose to keep your child or to place him or her for adoption. The State of Oklahoma strongly urges you to contact them if you are pregnant. (source)

You know, I often wonder if conservatives are even slightly self-aware. They love to talk about how hypocritical pro-choice liberals are when it comes to choosing a charter school, or choosing to own a gun…because they love to build massive straw men instead of arguing against what liberals believe…but for all their talk of liberal hypocrisy, they really do love using the power of government to be oppressive — or in this case, obnoxious — every chance they get.

Is it liberals or conservatives who are writing and passing laws that involve bathroom access for transgender people? Is it liberals or conservatives pushing myths about sexual assaults in said bathrooms when trans people can use them freely? And is it liberals or conservatives who are now making government so small it can fit underneath a bathroom stall so it can harangue a woman about controlling her own reproduction decisions while she takes a shit?

Let’s not forget, Oklahoma Republicans have been trying like hell to make abortion illegal in their state. Just this year, their Republican governor had actually did the right thing and vetoed a measure that would effectively ban the practice in the Sooner State. It would have been a felony for doctors to perform abortions in Oklahoma. Luckily, Governor Fallin had a brush with reality and decided her broke-ass state should probably not commit millions and millions of dollars to fighting for what would ultimately be an unconstitutional law once it hit the Supreme Court.

Of course, now that Trump will get to pick a replacement for Antonin Scalia on the high court, maybe Fallin would revisit her decision? Time will tell.

There’s nothing conservative about making it the government’s job to harass women about what they do with their own bodies. The trite “but what about the dead babies” defense against these idiotic policies is just religious mumbojumbo packaged as some high-minded moral stance. Abortion is admittedly a dicey, tough subject to get any consensus on, but most people are smart enough to realize you can’t make fertilization the line of demarcation between legal and illegal unless you want to expand the police state to hyperbolic levels so you can investigate every miscarriage in your state.




In the end, the Oklahoma anti-abortion bathroom signs are just pathetic. How desperate do you have to be to proselytize to people while they’re peeing and pooping? Conservatives get so angry when liberals dare to put messages in their big Hollywood movies and TV shows, but they don’t bat a single eyelash when proposing idiotic things like this. Isn’t there anything that conservatives feel is sacred and personal enough to be free from government interference? They used to hang their hats on such a notion, now?

They’d rather bother women while they go to the toilet.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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